Husband Cheated, left, trying DB 2

[SteveLW]

No. You can still love him but not let him affect you. It takes time and work. No question, but it can be done. And it doesn't mean that later you may not become emotional thinking about your interaction.

Does he realize how much him dating someone else hurts me right now if I dont say it or show it and we dont discuss it?

Sorry but there is no gentle way to say this, but he doesn't care. Waywards think about no one but themselves. I've told you I think he is even visiting D only to have a case for 50/50 custody. I've seen it a million times if I've seen it once. If it wasn't for child support he probably wouldn't be visiting with her at all. This is why WWs that leave their families for OM completely will abandon even their kids. Because OM is financial stable enough to not have to worry about needing support after D.

This is why we say believe nothing he says and half of what he does. Plus right now you want to be removing all pressure and pursuit. Discussing your pain is putting pressure on him. What he will hear is "you are hurting me and I want you to stop".

The other reason discussing it is counterproductive is because he already knows. In order to do this he understood going in that doing this, when you found out, would cause you pain. Of course he knows it. I mean you told him flat out that you couldn't live with him if he was with an OW. He couldn't show you his phone to prove he was innocent so he left. Why do you think showing it or saying it will give him any new info. LBSs typically ask that to try to guilt the WAS back. But guilt will only be a temporary fix, and in short order he would be back out doing all this again.

kech, I know you are struggling but this is why reading the book is so important. And this is why reading the feedback here is so important. You've admitted that you, by nature, are a doer. And you are back to thinking there is something you can DO to get him to wake up. You can't. If there were then this forum wouldn't exist because we would all do the action that worked and save our marriages.

Trust the process. It is hard. It is difficult. It hurts. But there are a lot of posters that chucked DBing to try to ACT their way to R. And have looked back with regrets. DBing is not a guarantee of R. But not DBing is almost a guarantee of D.