I'll get scoop--including everything about your thong .
Today was a great day. I had meetings in DC so I missed W in the morning and my flight back got delayed so I missed her tonight as she went out with girlfriends and I'm sure OM later--as she has increased her contact with him.
I don't know if this is a fit of anger, but I really don't see myself moving out. However, since moving out was seen as another gambit to save M, I also confess that I don't give a rat's a$$ right now about this M. She doesn't. For now, I'm just going to focus on my kids and let her rant and rave all she wants. I'm comfortable with who I am and she feels she must go--so be it.
Merrick, I missed you on the beach. How did you hear about Karens thong already, I thought what happens at the beach stays at the beach? Dang that didnt take long. Betsey you should have come to the beach, Im sure someone else would have eaten your thong and we all know its alot more fun sharing.
I talked to the cabanna boy alot at the beach and he sure is suffering from about the same insanity as we are. It doesnt look good for us... Im still In your corner Merrick. Ill just keep pushing your a$$ back into the ring as long you dont throw the white towel in. Hang tough as you always do.
Merrick I agree with Betsey on this one however, You go boy. Sounds like that PMA is coming back up for now anyway. I have to hit the sack but I will try to chat at ya tomarrow. God Bless, Eddy
Your current attitude to stick with your kids and the household you helped create is encouraging for me too. Any encouragement I can offer to not let W's craziness force you out of your family is a BB post away.
It's HER problem, don't let her make you the scapegoat for her problems. What affect will your leaving have on your kids? - Forget what affect you staying has on W and her R with kids, that's W's problem she's blind to your efforts to help her.
A need for some journaling: Eddy, I said I follow in your footsteps and last night's similar events to yours seem to predate your restraining order by about one month. Correct?
Generally, it has been a quiet week as I have attempted to minimize any contact with W--although it is clear from some minor snooping (not on OM) that she is working diligently with her lawyer to get me out ASAP and leave me no wiggle room on finances.
And what you'll note below is the schizophrenia she displays between drawing me in and playing on my emotions while methodically planning my ouster from the home.
Evidently, W couldn't take the quiet this week. After leaving me a nice VM at work on a foul-up with my prescription medications and offering to pick up scrip from my doc, she went out for the third night this week--but this time with the envelope containing all her D info (I also think she saw OM after a campaign meeting because she got home near midnight).
In any event, when she got home, she laced into me about how comfortable I must feel about sleeping in the bed while she gets no sleep on the couch. I then got one of her 10-minute diatribes about how this must be "her" choice and how selfish I was. The 10 minutes consisted of roughly 1 - 2 minute outbursts, her leaving the bedroom, and coming back for more after about 20 -30 seconds. On the bright side, I can only recall about three f**ks in her words. I was watching a baseball game and she noted that baseball had always been more important than her--so why should today be any different.
I just listened and said I could not get any sleep outside our bedroom. I said she was welcome to sleep with me--to which she replied that she would rather sleep in the gutter than sleep in the same bed with me. Even more strangely, she said that she has been trying so hard to make a connection with me these past few months, but that I was just shutting her out as I always have--then added that my sentiment on her hiring a lawyer as being adversarial was her only choice because I was unwilling to work with her despite her best efforts. Eventually, she left.
This morning, she came up to apologize saying that she didn't mean to make last night sound like a personal attack, but that she could no longer tolerate our situation. She said if I was a real Christian I would not let her suffer by offering to trade places and that I did not care about our kids if I was forcing her to lose sleep (the emotional blackmail part). She then suggested that our two D's share one bedroom and that one of us could sleep in the vacated room. At this, I suggested that regardless of what is going on with us, we might want to pursue C for co-parenting to determine how we should approach the kids. She then backed off and said she didn't see this type of C as a necessity, that we were doing fine on our own, and she was wrong to suggest moving the girls together.
Once again, she projected her feelings onto me--and I said while I understood her feelings, they were not mine. (Note: Most of this conversation came as she stalked me throughout the house, as I got ready for work).
She finally broke down and cried and said she isn't like me and can't take this any more--for the sake of the kids, something had to happen. I replied that I understand how she feels; the whole situation sucks, and understood how these feelings could lead to her actions last night (I did not validate the actions).
As I was leaving, she came to the front door and said that last piece of validation was the "crumb" of compassion she needed from me and wished I had some more. I wanted to say, "Of course I care about you, ILY," (I actually only feel biblical/obligational love--in my head, I'm detaching even more). But instead I said, "You're the most important woman in my life." And naturally, Lucy yanked the football by replying, "Thanks. I wish I had someone who was important to me."
The good thing is that I've reached a new level of detachment. I am no longer going to take her emotional bullying and simply view it as the manipulation that it is to get what she wants--which will only make her angrier in the near term. As I've said so many times before. This will get worse before it gets better.
But to leave on a bright note--I looked at some awesome new apartments near work in NYC ($2500 for a one-bedroom--yikes!) and could actually visualize living there with views of Midtown skyline. That's not what I want, but the visualization of new possibilities is a great facilitator to healthy detachment.
I have absolutely NO idea how you were able to develop such astute strategic skills. I want some! Your ability to see beyond the current fray is absolutely mind boggling. I'll bet you are a formidable chess player.
I don't have much to add, other than I'm here and reading and sending my prayers your way.
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
I don't really play chess, but what if the only outcomes of the game you can see are 1) overwhelming chances for checkmate against you; 2) With incredibly hard work--a draw; and 3) victory only through a stupendous blunder by the other side.
The real question is how long should you keep playing? I sometimes wonder if the only reason why I'm still around is the thrill of the game.
As an aside, a political pundit friend of mine was getting more involved with religion due to his GF and told me something his minister had preached the previous Sunday:
My wife has been married to five different people--and every one has been me. The point is, we all change throughout life and what makes marriage special is not only the commitment, but the recognition of partners of the inevitable changes we all go through. Combine THAT with commitment, and you have a truer sense of marital love.
Oops, I said I wouldn't post during the day. Adios amigos.
Quote: The real question is how long should you keep playing? I sometimes wonder if the only reason why I'm still around is the thrill of the game.
John Madden has a saying (paraphrasing here) In football anything can happen. That's why we play the game. If we believe we already know the outcome, there would be no need to play the game.
Even in your "chess" game (always interested in playing if there is any one out there...), you still see three possible outcomes. If you forfeit now you know you have lost. Eventho the odds may be against you, but you can still continue to play for the best possible outcome. So to answer your question, you should continue for as long as it takes for all the moves to be played out. Only then will the true outcome be actually revealed and is ... GAME OVER.
Quote: My wife has been married to five different people--and every one has been me. The point is, we all change throughout life and what makes marriage special is not only the commitment, but the recognition of partners of the inevitable changes we all go through. Combine THAT with commitment, and you have a truer sense of marital love.
Wow! ... that is enlightening ... now to get my W to buy into that!
Okay, the "Sign of the Beast" is now getting ridiculous.
I'm in charge of our local little league fundraiser--and one team's coach has such pursuasive powers that he routinely collects a few thousanbd dollars each year. His team's take is the most eagerly awaited and I finally got it last night.
$2, 666
Another coach kicked in a buck to make it $2,667.
Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with Thee. Blessed art thou among women and blessed is the fruit of your woom, Jesus....
Betsey