Thank you for the responses, everyone :-) I get a lot out of your posts too. I want to go back and get caught up on more of your sitches. I am finding lately that I feel stronger and that reading here is less of an emotional trigger. I hope it lasts. Perhaps it would help me to explore why that is and what has changed.

I have come to the conclusion that traveling is not good for my M. Too much togetherness? Stress of traveling with kids ? Entitled teenagers driving me nuts in general? We took a long vacay last summer and after I returned I was ready to walkaway (who am I kidding, I wanted runaway) from my H. And this trip was certainly stressful in it's own way. I found myself going back to that doubtful thinking again and I have had to really check myself.

I don't have all the answers. I do feel like I am turning some small corner in the way I view and think about things in my M. And not just in my M, but in my relationships with other family members and friends. I've been feeling more patient and less reactive in general. Maybe some of this is age related too.

We are back in full swing of work, school, kids activities, etc. I am enjoying my days off more. I have faced a challenge that I wasn't sure I could, which involves visiting a place I went during that painful time. I think it will be good for me. Sometimes just reading a good book and putting all thoughts and worries aside is nice too.

Things with H are okay. It is strange to talk about him knowing that one day he could read this. So could XOW's XH too. I don't think H will, but I also don't put anything past anyone anymore. Myself included in that! People can always surprise us! My main goal is just to feel okay with the choices I make, while putting the BS aside.

Blu

“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela