Just called the wife from work (she’s home) just to say hi. She presumably didn’t like the ‘down’ tone I used in my ‘hi’ to her (there was nothing out of the ordinary with my tone btw), and immediately responded in a nasty tone on her own.
She clearly is upset from something I did last night. Claimed I was quiet all of last evening and seemed ‘down’. I wasn’t down, I just don’t like to be taken for a ride while knowing that she’s in touch with the OM these days. So I’m playing the detachment method. She could also be pissed about something the kids had done this morning for all I know, and just uses my tone to blame me for her 5hitty life.
The problem with her is that she’s an extrovert and expects me to always be upbeat and talkative around her, and if I’m not (I’m an introvert) she immediately reads it as something is wrong, and demands to know what it is that’s on my mind (she of course assumes that I assume she has done something not kosher with OM). Now, I understand that part of DB, is to pretend as if nothing is bothering me. And most of the time I do maintain a ‘content’ face. But yesterday, while sitting with family relatives around the table, she caught me looking at her after she had just finished texting someone. Presumably the OM, based on her facial expressions. After everyone had left, I went outside to talk to my DB vet buddy on the phone. I went outside for an hour to talk to on the phone, to vet, and discuss DB….
Going outside, and away from everyone to get privacy is something she herself done plenty of times when she needed to talk to the OM.
Me disappearing to the yard for an hour I think upset her (good!). May be even made her question who I could be talking to all of a sudden in privacy for an hour….. When I came back inside, she was upstairs, but not before she locked the kitchen door and me outside with it. When I knocked on the door, asking for someone to open, she came down from upstairs and claimed she didn’t realize I was outside (BS). I don’t know the reason… maybe because she went upstairs but wanted to know how long I spent outside, she locked me out so as having to come down, let me in, and sort of time me to see how long I was outside. Not sure, don’t care regardless.
So back to this morning, I called her, and she answers in this pissy mood tone, claiming that she’s only answering me the way I answer her. She started going about yesterday, and how I was quiet and moody following some argument we had in the morning. I didn’t argue with her yesterday, instead I told her to cut it off because I’m not going into an argument with her. And so again this morning, I told her I’m not getting into an argument with her that my fighting days are behind me. I said it would be better off if we got off the phone and try to talk a little later when we she is in a better mood. 10 minutes later she calls me back and asks me “Are you ready to talk in a normal tone with me?” I said I had a normal tone during my first phone call but you were clearly caught up in something to do with yesterday. She of course tried to spin in on my usual shitty mood and the misery I live in. I told I’m not miserable anymore, my argument days are behind me. She then changed to fake-happy tone, asking me how am I doing…. This made me giggle and she didn’t like that. Asked if that’s how I work on the marriage as I have claimed in the past. I said: Honey I don’t work on the marriage, I work on myself. I’m trying to fix everything in me that was so bad all these years according to you, and that made this marriage suck. I’m fixing myself for either you or your replacement should there be one down the road.
I find it amusing that one moment (during bad arguments) she’d tell me this marriage [censored] and doesn’t work, that it’s over, and we only have to be amicable around the kids and until the kids graduate school a few years down the road. And then the next, she’s all of a sudden concern with my demeanor, wants to know what bothers me, and asks me if that’s the way I work on the marriage…. I mean if you have checked out, why do you even care about me and my marriage-fixing techniques? That just tells me she has not checked out, just lost…. Thoughts?
M (LBS): 41, W (WAS) : 40 M: 16Y, T: 22Y Kids: 11, 9, 9 A: since 2015 DB: since July 2017
