Hello everyone. I've been reading this forum for about a month after having read DR. My heart is with everyone on here going through this right now.
I've been living with W for 9 years and married 6. We have a 3 year old son.
Early August W approached me to tell me that she's in love with her ex. She has been talking to him for two years and starting in July or so, she started having feelings. She has seen him twice for no more than 2 hours total as he lives 200 miles away. She has obviously told him how she feels in our M as he has given her a list of promises that are exactly what I haven't given her. Herd her ex have a pretty bad past. She blamed me for not making her forget about him. To be fair, I've been very emotionally distant and intimacy has been very little since the birth of our son. I was totally blindsighted by the revelation as I've never trusted someone so much in my life. She has been very forthcoming since the revelation about her ex. However, I am sure she's still hiding something. But that's the past, I am working in the now.
She asked for an in home separation that allowed her to keep talking to him and allowed me to meet others. She was very adamant she didn't know what she wanted and just needed space and time. She stated she was scared and extraordinarily depressed. She wished she could just disappear. I agreedbto the in home separation.. I didn't intend to meet anyone not did I try. During this time, I did everything wrong. Clingy, begging etc. First of September, I reached a point that I just couldn't be part of this game. I gave her an ultimatum. She quits talking to him or I'm out. She asked for a day or so to consider. I said sure as long as she doesn't talk to him during this time. She agreed and seemed very relieved. Two days later, she told me she informed him that she will not talk to him anymore. Up to this point, I feel like she is keeping her word. She was very adamant that she still needed space and time but suggested counseling at some point and has been making future plans with me. Yesterday, she sent a couple of texts while at work and touched me for the first time in over a month.
It's been 9 days since she agreed to stop talking to him and I've been nothing but clingy. This is pushing her away as I make mistake after mistake. Last night she told me there's nothing I can show her that'll help get toward R. It's confusing me as I've seen some progress. I'm also confused because she's told me she needs to see action and see that our son, family, and her are my number one priority. So I feel like I'm walking a tightrope.
I have started individual therapy regarding my emotional disconnect from her and our son. Since the bomb drop, I have been 100% committed to the family. My priorities have realigned and during the 3 or so hours we are all 3 together, it has been great. At 9, when son goes to bed, is when I get all needy. I'm not interested in detachment and gal during the hours my son is awake. Him and I have a stronger bond than we've ever had.
The help I'm asking for is how do I balance showing where my priorities are with gal and detachment? I feel like I have a solid outlook on a 180 and have made a plan. As for GAL and detachment, I know what I have to do at 9pm. Read, visit friends, etc. I'm also planning some father and son outings just the two of us.
