My S9 is affected the most by my bad R with W. His acting out seems to always play against the inconsistency between W's lack of discipline and my attempts at structure. He appreciates the consistency of discipline.
Of course that is my perspective looking back at the last 6 months of trouble with him, and my interpretation of why he would be acting the way he does, but our sitch seems the same as yours, I'll discipline, he'll throw a fit, W will either do nothing or give in, I'll be the bad guy, next day S9 and I are still best pals.
KOFTGF. Merrick, you are the head of your family. God has given you that responsibility, and the devil is testing your resolve to see this through. Everyone here is absolutely right that you do not need to take W's abuse....But since you are, and with God's help you can continue to, this is all evidence of God's grace.
1)From your 4/24 post: "my acceptance of Christ and His compassion has done more for me as caring human being in three months than I accumulated in a lifetime of selective compassion. Even if my M fails--I will have achieved a victory in life." 2)You turned the other cheek while W was hitting you. How long ago was it you almost "ran her over" with the car? pretty radical change in the way you are handling sitches with W.
God doesn't make something without expecting it to be used. IMHO I think the Devil is pissed he's lost you, and is doing his best to keep at you through W's actions. God in his infinite wisdom is allowing his gift of compassion to you be used - and tested - to see how strong you've been able to make it. The devil's only hope now is to minimize your spiritual growth. I recommend C.S. Lewis's book "Screwtape Letters". It's not really that long and is an interesting discourse on the influence demons want to have on our lives.
BTW, I really like your metaphor of the tundra and creating just enough heat to start a thaw. If you've ever had or been close to frost bite you know it hurts the worst when it starts thawing - I think W is starting to thaw, and it is hurting her.
When you are hurt, don't do what comes naturally, do what comes supernaturally. W is doing what comes naturally. Merrick, keep doing what comes supernaturally. The devil has lost, and is doing whatever he can to make you think otherwise (the three sixes, etc.).
