Yesterday, I deactivated my FB for a while. I'm tired of every time her feelings get hurt that it turns into my fault.

Literally everything that upsets her is because of me, according to her.

It's exhausting to say the least. So I'm just going to take a break from saying anything at all.

I got word from W's aunt yesterday that W's grandmother is going into hospice today. Her family has always treated me like their own, and I love them all very much. So this is going to be a difficult time.

Another one of the things that have been stressing me out is that my daughter from my 1st M has been very sick. They live too far away for me to be able to be there, and that's always difficult (also something W likes to bring up...that I don't see them enough so I can't say she's a bad parent because it's hypocritical). She is a type 1 diabetic, and also just had to have her thyroid checked because of swelling, they didn't find cancer, but they found early polyps that can cause cancer. I have been keeping up with them frequently (since going to see them isn't something I can afford to do at all, I at least try to stay connected with them). I had told W a few weeks ago that she was going to get tested for that, and W had no response at all to it. None.

It seems that W has absolutely nothing except anger and hate towards me. At least, that's what she says. We did finally come to the conclusion that her main point of contention was that she would say that she was upset about something, and instead of fixing it, I would just get sad and sulk about it. So I get that, I was too passive.

She likes to bring up random things to try to make me feel bad. She brought up "her" cat that I had to get rid of after she moved out and left it behind (it kept attacking S, and I told her to come get it). To her, this is me not caring about her or how she feels, or the well-being of the cat.

Now she says that she actually tried to leave when she was pregnant with S. She had jumped out of the car and ran down the road. She said that was her trying to leave me. The sad part is that I remember what that was about...we were talking about pregnancy changes, and I stated something about how hormones affect women during pregnancy (not being flippant, but stating a medical fact) and that for some reason caused her to start hating me. Because I "ruined the magic of pregnancy", and since I had older kids she felt that I was "bringing up the sex life" of me and my first W. I wasn't at all, so I have always felt like this was a drastic overreaction that she's chosen never to let go of.

W seems to think that anyone who says/does ANYTHING that upsets her is trying to hurt her. She's also insanely co-dependent (doesn't need anyone, but can have sex with whoever she wants).

It's a lot of bs. I'm tired. Yesterday, I just wanted to give up totally on everything.

I'm going to pull back and just not talk to her. Which, of course, she also has a problem with. Yesterday she said "you have these cycles, you try being nice, and when I don't come back, you turn mean (as in, I put my foot down about my boundaries), then you feel bad and get quiet, then it starts over again, and it's annoying."

She did admit that the problems we had in the M were all fixable. But she says "the problems we have now since I left can't be fixed" and that had I "respected that the R was over when I left we wouldn't have these problems."

I still disagree.

I'm still a mess about it all. She seems to actually believe that nothing is her fault, and still wants to manufacture things to blame me for.

I know, that's what WW do. But it's exhausting. And honestly, it hurts like hell.