I am sick over this and have a hard time focusing on anything else. I still can't believe this happened. I lost my church, wife and my life. I don't want to rebuild my life. I have a hard time dealing with stress anyhow. Oh, just got laid off my job so now I have to deal with getting a job. We never fought so I can't understand why she just dumped me like trash. I feel like trash. Any day now I am going to have the guts to pull the trigger. I am sick of crying every day when I know that I can't control this l know that I ought to let her go and believe me, I am trying to stop thinking about it. I don't know why I can't control these flashbacks in my mind. The haunt me. They are in my sleep. (What little sleep I get) I hate myself and I don't want to go on and start another life and I know my old life is destroyed so I left with nothing. I am still in shock but I know that I think of suicide all the time. I just don't see any future. I can't go to town because I see her almost every time I go. I see her driving not face to face. I have not spoken with her since May. And I don't think that I will again. I have never seen or heard of someone completely shut their spouse out. I know that she isn't going dark. Damn memories keep poping into my head and I can't stop them. it. I can't take it any longer.
