3 year old EA - where do I go from here?

[Matrix5]

You don't have to tell her anything. "Going out with a friend see you later". That's it. Be polite and respectful. She might press you. Just go. Don't let her drag into a confrontation.

As far as the coworker who cares if he's the office good guy. He's a problem in your marriage. Who cares what people think. Find your value. Find your confidence. If he asks you what's up just smile and say "nothing evreythings great". It seems you're struggling with your confidence bud. That's going to keep pushing your wife away. Are you more interested in solving you're marriage problems or worried about what people at the office think? As long as you're courteous and respectful and in good spirits no one will think anything less of you.

She doesn't even care to know. She'd never ask. All I have to say is "I'm going out", and she'll genuinely smile and say "great, enjoy!" she never probed, certainly not since [censored] has gone sour between us. She's treating me like the way she wants me to treat her - free space, and freedom to hang out with whomever we choose.

As far as the OM, on one hand I want to show confidence and keep the cards close to my chest. On the other hand I feel that if I don't at least tell him that I know what the [censored] is going on, I'll be taken for a clueless, ignorant, sucker fool.

Not sure if you've read through the whole thread, but him and his wife are also friends of ours outside of work. It's not an IF question, but rather a WHEN question where we will need to get together with the kids at some point. If I refuse for such get-together the wife will get validation in the form of "see? I knew you haven't moved in from this, and think/assume I'm up to something inappropriate with him".

The fact that I know him personally, both as a friend and a co-worker complicates things for me to no end.
I'm reading about all the A's people here are dealing with, and I'm so jealous of all of you who don't know the OM/OW, and never have to cross paths with them. While, here I am, having to go to work every day, sit 3ft way from him, and interact with this guy who only god knows what he does with my wife (could be nothing, could be everything). I mean, every time he picks up his phone at work to text, I wonder "is he talking to her again???" when I'm home I have to witness her sitting on her goddamn phone, texting to no end, and then at work I sit next to the guy and see him on his phone as well. It's like no matter where I am, I just can't get away from this [censored].