One last piece of advice. The OM your coworker is not your friend. You should disconnect from him completely. That will make him far more uncomfortable than you confronting him. If you can move work spots away from him ask to do so. You need to treat him like a complete stranger. Don't be mean to him. Don't be rude to him. Don't confront him. Just treat him like he's doesn't exist. Over time you will start to feel it in your heart. You may have to act for the first while but acting turns into true feeling if you do it long enough. He will probably mention it to.you wife if she says anything about it deflect it. You're your own person you have the right to choose your friends and the people you care about.
I wish it was that simple. Maybe it's because we sit 3 feet from each other is what makes it so difficult. Unfortunately, the nature of our job, requires us to only interact throughout the day, but to also be able to cross-cover responsibilities. Plus, if I were to "cross him out", I'll be seen as not a team member, which may jeopardize my job. Something which is absolutely out of the question. At this point in my life, I'll give up my wife before I give up this job.
I told my wife today that I will talk to him on Monday about me being ok with them talking or meeting up occasionally. Because she claims that I have "scared them away from each other". But I will also make it a point to him (in a nice calm way) that if he even thinks of doing anything dumb, it will turn out to be a very costly proposition for him (he's married +3 and needs this job just as much as I do). Of course I didn't tell her I'm going to make that subtle threat part). I'm still trying to formulate the right way to say it. I don't want to come across in a threatening, assholish way, but I do want my message to be firm and and direct, so there are no misunderstandings.
If you or anyone here have an idea on how should say, I'd appreciate it.
Thank you for all the input. Appreciated.
No one said to stop doing your job responsibly. Do your job. Communicate as needed. Keep it to the point. Be professional. But keep it to work only. I would highly advise you not to say anything to him about it being ok or bring up anything to do with your wife. You need to break this cycle it's gone on way too long Matrix.
The problem is that dude is a funny, goofy, and very social, outgoing guy that everyone in the office loves. That's also part of the reason why my W finds him fun to be around. Meanwhile, I'm the introvert on the desk. If word comes out that something is not right between us, I'm afraid that I'll be the one who people think is the problem.
Ok, let's say I don't say a thing and minimize my interactions with him to bare minimums work related stuff only. Say, he grabs me one day and asks 'what's the matter? Is everything ok?' - what should be my answer to him?
M (LBS): 41, W (WAS) : 40 M: 16Y, T: 22Y Kids: 11, 9, 9 A: since 2015 DB: since July 2017
