I hear you. I gave both her and myself my word that I will not bring him up anymore in any shape or form. She was the one to tell me today about her female (married) friend who has male friends and her husband is OK with it, too which I simply replied with "sure, that shouldn't be a problem as long as nothing inappropriate is going on". She took it as a passive-aggressive comment directed at her. But both her and I know that she told me that story so as to show that unlike ME, other man are ok with their spouses having friends of the opposite sex. So I simply addressed that point to show that I'm ok with it as well, so long as it doesn't get sexual.
For the record, she's all for me to find friends of both sexes, not only males. She has no problem with me talking to other women or going out for drinks. She genuinely doesn't give 2 shits about stuff like that. She sees nothing wrong with it. She's very confident and have always claimed she knows her worth and if I think I can find someone better than her, then by all means, I'm free to walk away.
But to your point, yes, I have stopped bringing him up as of 2 weeks ago. I'm done obsessing over this [censored]. I have set my mind under the assumption that this marriage is over. I'm only in it it for the kids at this point and simply because I can't afford a divorce (from a financial standpoint). Going forward I will be working on bettering myself and use my wife as a mere guinea pig for my next relationship. If my GAL and 180 do the magic and resurrect this marriage, great. If not, at least I've practiced and improved relationship skills on my wife so I can be a better partner for the next woman who comes into my life.
What she said her friend told her is a bullshit rationalization. Most men don't mind male friends if it's done in groups ie co-workers going out for happy hour with a mix of people. I doubt her friend talked so ignorantly about it unless she has some sort of open marriage agreement. For a married woman to be spending time and talking daily to another man is weird and reeks of EA and maybe even PA. If it wasn't weird you would be allowed into that relationship. She wouldn't lie about it. She would talk openly about it and invite you along for the ride.
Stop telling her and promising her what you're going to do. Stop explaining it to her. She says " I think it's ok to have male friends" just say ok and go do something else. Or leave her vicinity. Stop telling her you're going to stop talking about it as long as she's honest. You are setting conditions and that's controlling and she will rebel. Actions are key. Simply stop talking about it. You don't have to tell her you are going to stop talking about it because you fail at that it breaks things down. Actions. Not words. Let he go give her free reign you can't control people. You ever seen that film no country for old men when the uncle tells Tommy Lee Jones "you can't stop what's coming, it ain't all waitin on you, that's vanity". That's the truth about things. You can't force your will on anyone.
