3 year old EA - where do I go from here?

[Matrix5]

I asked her one more time to be open about it. That I promised her last year that I no longer care if she hangs out or talks to him, just be open about it. Let me know if she goes out to meet him, tell me. I asked her to give me a shot and try it out to see the response she gets from me.... time will tell, she seemed hesitant... she kept on saying that it doesn't matter because she doesn't see or talk to him anymore (lie) because I scared both of them. Of course I wanted to call her out on her lie, but I bit my tongue. Instead I said, "ok, in the case you choose to renew your friendship, I'm ok with it, just be open and forthcoming with me. She was hesitant, kept on saying they don't meet or talk anymore, and that it's hard for her to just take my word for it, because I've promised to be ok about it in the past, and yet kept on accusing her of doing different things with him behind my back.

Another thing Matrix you should stop engaging in her games. If she's lying, and you know she's lying, just say "look we both know that's not true but I don't want to talk about it" and shut it down. Go to another room and get busy. Go for a walk. Go clean the garage. When you say that and shut the door she may try persue you and continue denying it. Thats a guilt reaction. Either get away from her or change the subject. Tell her a funny story from your day. Bring up something about the kids. Engaging her in something you already know to he fact is sucking your emotional batteries dry. Trust me on that.

I hear you. I gave both her and myself my word that I will not bring him up anymore in any shape or form. She was the one to tell me today about her female (married) friend who has male friends and her husband is OK with it, too which I simply replied with "sure, that shouldn't be a problem as long as nothing inappropriate is going on". She took it as a passive-aggressive comment directed at her. But both her and I know that she told me that story so as to show that unlike ME, other man are ok with their spouses having friends of the opposite sex. So I simply addressed that point to show that I'm ok with it as well, so long as it doesn't get sexual.

For the record, she's all for me to find friends of both sexes, not only males. She has no problem with me talking to other women or going out for drinks. She genuinely doesn't give 2 shits about stuff like that. She sees nothing wrong with it. She's very confident and have always claimed she knows her worth and if I think I can find someone better than her, then by all means, I'm free to walk away.

But to your point, yes, I have stopped bringing him up as of 2 weeks ago. I'm done obsessing over this [censored]. I have set my mind under the assumption that this marriage is over. I'm only in it it for the kids at this point and simply because I can't afford a divorce (from a financial standpoint). Going forward I will be working on bettering myself and use my wife as a mere guinea pig for my next relationship. If my GAL and 180 do the magic and resurrect this marriage, great. If not, at least I've practiced and improved relationship skills on my wife so I can be a better partner for the next woman who comes into my life.