DB / Detach- Will we ever piece it together

[LITB]

Hey Did,

It is clear that both you and your W are warm and cold to each other. Something needs to happen to change that dynamic.

I still highly recommend consulting with an attorney to know how much support you will be responsible for. During my second separation, my W threatened me to come after more support. I had already asked my attorney to run the numbers, so I had this info. I calmly told her, "do what you gotta do" and walked away. Her intent was to manipulate me using a scare tactic to get what she wanted. She recognized the change, as she later admitted.

See, I played the role that you are playing. I was the enabler in allowing her to manipulate me into providing her with what she needed, while keeping me an arm's length away.

I have read in your threads where one minute she wants to be warm with you and the next she is cold. You both are guilty of it to be honest. Some of your actions are motivated by an expectations. If I do X, she will do Y. When she doesn't do Y, you come away disappointed.

Work on Detachment, and having no expectations. Also, if you have ended it with the other woman, you need to do it. It will make things more complicated.

Here is another suggestion. Stop spending time with her. It will prolong the emotional rollercoaster. Limit your contact strictly to anything that pertains to your D. If you haven't come up with a schedule, it would be a great idea to do so. This will help reduce contact. I know it will suk and it is difficult, BUT it will change the dynamic.