DB / Detach, WAW... piecing

[Did]

I really appreciate you all being her every to support me. I’m on my phone so excuse typos. I was selfish unable to live in the moment I was trying to think back to sleeping next to my wife and I can’t even remember. It’s really sad. We were in separate beds for a while and have been separated 15 months but still 6-7 years we slept together. I don’t even remember. I repressed my emotions smoked weed. Couldn’t communicate well. Didn’t know how to get my needs met.

Now I’m very articulate and able to use my communication skills. I have a passion for life and a purpose I meditate and work on myself in therapy. W tried to talk to me about a growth mindset and growing together years ago. I blamed work. I couldn’t deal w stress well now I have healthy ways and my priorities have shifted greatly. I was so focused on results. Now I know all we have is the journey. I’ve changed so much. I definitely still have things to work on and can come unwraveled at times. But I’ve done a lot of 180s.

I’m pretty close to being the person I’d love to be with. Other women see it immediately and are drawn to me. Burn the Mother of my child and the woman I’m still married to is just walled up around me. It’s hard for me to be the man I am today around her she brings me back somehow.

She texted me I hope D4 sleeps better tonight. Used toI text her things like that sometimes but always include both of them. As I hope you guys sleep well. Why does she leave me out? She doesn’t care. She really isn’t kind she’s selfish entitled insecure fragile anxious etc. yet I still want her our fam and marriage back.

I sent too many pics of D4 today. Need to reach out less. DB completely and LRT. When I ignore her is when she comes toward me. That fine line is hard to walk. But I’m not responding to her goodnight text. She will be here tomorrow to get d4. I’ll be pleasant and happy but plan on barely speaking to her. No more pressure from me.

Thanks again all. Especially the vets