My W pursues ME. She is anti-SBT and does whatever she feels. The only LRT I have not tried is moving out. However, since we are not on the same page regarding the best disciplinary approach for the kids--this too can be an issue, and W said as much this morning.
She wanted to talk about last night and asked me if I was comfortbale with how I handled the sitch. I said the whole thing was unfortunate, but if I had to do it over, I might have given S9 more time from the outset to come upstairs, but once he started screaming, I did not think I reacted wrongly by refusing to yield to his demands. I said I asked for help from her before he got out of control, I never yelled at him, and I said I would let him be to calm down in his room. I also aksed W if she would have allowed him to go downstairs after he started screaming.
She never said what she would have done differently, other than to assert that this never happens with her (because she gives in after getting into shouting matches with him or just outshouts him at the top of her lungs until he yields--do I need to start documenting this as well?). She said I was probably mad at her for getting close to him and undermining my discipline. I said if i was upset with her that I would have said something, but did not have a problem (a 180?).
She acted shocked that I could accept last night's actions and said I was permanently ruining my R with S9 by being stubborn and not showing him respect--the same thing I did with her. She said he would not speak to me--and when I said that was okay for now, he can be upset until he feels better. She said that my acceptance of his not talking to me showed I had no idea how to handle him, would destroy my R with him, and feared what would happen on the days I had the kids when if we were apart. To her, this was proof that I will not change and want everyone else to be crushed to conform to my standards and will.
I said I was willing to try and work with him and asked again what she would have done differently. No answer.
Am I wrong or is she just a major projector of her feelings onto everyone else. I won't do it, but I'll tell you that I'm as a ripe for an affair of my own right now than at any time in my life. I know, "don't believe a word they say--and I am in fact in a much better position today to take care of myself and control my own anger.
Laurie--a I sense a new call coming on. The balance between total back-off, being her friend, and her relentless pursuit of me seems to be an impossible juggling act.
