I agree that cheating and walking away from your family is one of the cruelest things someone can do. Like there is a special place in dantes inferno for that type of betrayal. And the reason its such a sin is because they are committing it against the people they vowed to protect. Their own flesh and blood is affected and damaged from it. You have heard the term' "you cant betray an enemy" ? That is why it is just so painful.
When i was in the most painful part of my divorce, my favorite patient (who was going through some tough health issues) confessed to me that she was having an affair. This person was an incredible person. Kind, had a lot of depth, and soul. The type of person that put everyone else first. If she wasnt my patient we would have been really good friends.
It was hard for me to rationalize that such a good person could do this. It was hard because i needed to villify my own ex for doing the same thing to me. It was easier for me to let go of my ex by writing him off as a selfiah narcissit. But i swear to you' this woman was not in any way a selfish narcissit. Yet she was doing this. She was depressed and upset and stressed. She was not the charming type that knew how to appeal to the public or work on keeping up image and appeatances. . To be honest. I think she was insecure because of her health issue and history of weight problems.
Now, our relationship dynamic was different from you and your friends. So i am not sure how i would respond in a similar situatuon.
I will say that i think your reaction was very powerful. And i hope it has an impact. I hope it makes your friend think and reflect. You are right. Many people just do not get the severity of cheating and breaking up a family and if more people responded the way you did, i wonder if it would result in more people understanding thebtrue consequences of their actuons.
