Evening Journaling I apologize for the length, but I use this to journal and I live in a strange place.

If this wasn't so insane and tragic, it would be funny.

I get home about 7:20 expecting W to head right out for dinner with friends (perhaps OM later). But the house is a mess and W is not dressed to go out.

I ask--and then she launches into a such a lenghty barrage I can't possibly recall even half of it. Although it started with the sarcastic,

"I'll stay home and ML:o to you because you need it so bad. Do you like the house? Maybe I should leave it for you this way all the time and you can take care of everything. That's it. I'll move out and you can figure it out. How long do you need to straighten out the kids? What's your vacation time? Four weeks? You can take four weeks alone to straighten out the kids because I didn't do enough of a good job disciplining them. Are you going to write this in your journal? Oops, I have to be good because my family has warned me that if I lose it you'll use it against me to take away the kids."

I listened, did not fight, and even tried a Seattle hug, but could barely touch her before she recoiled and said, "You must really need it bad so let's just do it so you can stop touching me." She added that I just don't get that it and basicaly was a fool hoping for her to turn around. She then said, maybe she should act this way every night and just dump it all on me -- the changed Christian.

By this time, I get a reprieve as S9 comes downstairs and asks me to have catch.

But there is more

S9 and I finish the catch so he can take a shower and get ready for bed. But once inside, S9 refuses to shower because he wants to play a game. I tell him he can play a game after, but he needs to get th shower done--that's why we came inside. I don't yell at him and stay calm, but S9 begins his power struggle with me.

I carry him upstairs joking, and tend to D's. S9 then goes downstairs and puts on the TV. I ask W to help get him, but she says since she doesn't know how to discipline them, she won't do anything. At this point, I have a choice: let S9 get his way and avoid upsetting W; OR, let S9 have his way.

Right or wrong, I chose the latter. I turned off the TV and carried S9 upstairs to his. He stars SCREAMING, "Let me go!" I said, you can stay in your room and calm down. He screams "let me go" about 25 times and tries to go downstairs--I just block his path, saying "No." AND I was calm. S9 hit me, so I spanked him once, saying never to hit me. W dials someone on the phone and holds it up so they can hear S9 screaming (she later said it was her C--althoug the # on the phone was her B/SIL.). I finally tell S9 that's enough, undress him, and put him in the shower--while he is still screaming.

S9 retreats to his room after, and W goes to him and lies next to him in bed until he is asleep. I tried to talk with him, but he had no interest, so I kissed him goodnight. I'll talk with him tomorrow.

W just stared at me, but I hope my remaining calm with him left some impression. I could have yelled--but didn't. I was just firm. Unfortunately. W considers this as an example of my trying ot show she is a bad mother, but the kid needs to see some limits.

Meanwhile D6 writes a note saying she loves Mommy and daddy. This really is a tragedy and I wonder if I'm doing the right thing.

Keep on fighting the good fight.

Merrick