Pool lessons

[Zues126]

Well, I owe you all an update. Busy week with the kids going back to school but I was getting ready to post. Then I got broadsided yesterday.

I've mentioned the young man I travel to pool tournaments with. He is the best in my state (I'm number two and am close, but he's really strong). Last season we probably traveled to 6-8 tournaments together with exceptional results. Not only was it tremendous fun, I emerged as a much stronger player. I'm very close to breaking through to the highest levels and he has been a big part of it. We practice together, spar together, talk pool, and compete in tournaments. All while making good money and having a blast.

He came over last night so we could firm up our tournament schedule and he said I should know something. He is currently in a relationship with a married woman. The woman he's talking about is married to another very prominent pool player in our community, and the wife is a pool player herself that is well known in these parts. Almost like one big pool circle around here. He says they've been seeing each other since April and things are getting serious, and that she's divorcing her husband. FYI, he is 26, she is probably 45 or older and has a teenage daughter that is knocking on the door of 18 if she's not already there. He felt he should tell me this because there may be some 'drama' as we go to pool tournaments, particularly when all parties involved are at the same place and most people will be connected to one party or the other.

I'm sick to my stomach and dumbfounded. What a horrible thing to be involved with. I hold the married woman slightly more accountable because she's the one that took vows, but not by much. It's almost like she killed 5 people, he killed 2. Either way for him to have anything to do with the destruction of a family is disgusting to me.

I think that's about the worst thing most people can do in their life. Sure, there's murder and child molestation, but only 1 in 10,000 people is a killer, and 1 in 2,000 is a child molester. When it comes to people having affairs and initiating divorces we're up to probably 60%+ of the general population. I think it's the worst thing done by humans on that type of majority scale. Horrible, horrible, horrible. I get he's 26 and doesn't understand the depths of the destruction, while growing up in a culture that says anything goes, but I am absolutely disgusted by this.

So now I have a fork in the road. I can continue to go to tournaments with him or not. It's almost like we're in a band together and have a bunch of gigs lined up. If I stop going to tournaments with him I no longer have a band, and the plans I've made for myself with pool all take a devastating blow. I was so pumped, I could almost taste the success because I saw the trajectory I was on, and this would derail almost everything.

But I can't see continuing to partner with him. Travelling to pool tournaments isn't just business, the friendship has to exist. There are 8 hour car rides both ways, days and even weeks sharing a hotel room, hours between matches day after day. If there isn't a good friendship that just isn't viable. I don't see any way to keep him at 'arm's length' while taking on this type of schedule. And I can't see being his partner publicly when everyone knows what's going on and sees me continue to ride shotgun with him.

Most of all it comes down to my personal vote. I am heartbroken this type of thing happens, and have feel outraged that our society is so complacent. I can't change my friend, and I can't change the world, but I get to cast my vote. I can't say I disapprove of this behavior if my behavior doesn't change in any way from how I'd act if I endorsed this behavior. The only thing that makes sense to me is telling him I enjoyed our friendship and partnership and wish him the best, but that I need to take some time out. That I can't be part of this both socially but primarily ethically. That he's free to call me if he needs help at some point, and if the situation changes we could revisit it, but that at this time I need to take a break.

Man, everything about this stinks. I am so discouraged. It's a huge loss for me for many reasons and seems so unnecessary. My heart really goes out to the LBH on the other end of this. He's not my favorite person and no friend of mine (although I've known him 20 years) but it's a shame this happens to anyone. Ever. And I am just feeling down about humanity right now. I swear I only have 1 good friend and maybe a couple more that I'm connected with in any meaningful way. To see someone I liked do something like this and having to say goodbye to that is brutal. It just seems like no matter how high my walls are and how many people I wall off, it's not even safe to let the few people I choose to allow in close to me. I don't hate everyone, but I'm at the point where I don't want to talk to anyone again. I just feel like keeping to myself altogether because the rest of this screwed up world beats to a drum that not only can't I relate to, I don't even understand.

Arg. Didn't mean to be overly dramatic. Just venting a bit. Sick. I know what I need to do. It's super hard, I hate confrontation and loss, but I've gotten through worse. Haven't we all...

Comments welcome. Hopefully I can shake this off and post a real update soon. Thanks guys.