Dude, we all said it is going to get worse for a while, before it starts getting better. You have to let go of the expectations of anything (and everything).
L....you will never be able to make sense of it....very hard to do but try your best. It took me 3 months before I felt like I could breathe again. Your journey is just beginning and it will take many turns. If you DB properly your wife will feel your strength without you communicating with her. My Xw commented to a family friend a few weeks ago about how grateful and lucky she was to be going through this with a man like me. Deep down inside they know what they have done.
Yep, I totally knew it was going to get worse, I just didn't realize how f'n bad. Last night she changed her last name to her maiden name on Instagram. Shes slowly cutting me completely out of her life. She called today just to ask if I was taking kids to an event tonight while she was at work. She acts all nice a pleasant on the phone. I wanted to ask about her changing name but bit my tongue knowing it was a bad idea. I just muscling through this.
So yesterday I had a normal dr visit. I brought up my crisis to my doc. He asked if I wanted a try an A/D. I really didn't want to but then thought, it might help...so I picked it up and immediately took 1. It was only 35 mgs. It was horrible. I woke up at 3...teeth chattering, mind racing., body aches....lasted until noon. So I guess I'm not cut out for a/d...it was effexor venalaxafine. I may try it in a smaller dose. Anybody else try A/D to help? I know its personal, but just wondering.
ME 47 W 38 M17 T20 Separated 5/20/18 D-bomb 7/9/2018 Nothing Filed 4 kids ages 6, 10, 14, 15
...Anybody else try A/D to help? I know its personal, but just wondering.
I started right after BD...Stayed on for a few months. Took the edge off. Sleeping pills helped. I would take one, and 30 minutes later out like a light. 8 hours later wake up.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
I havent taken any type of A/D. I am considering taking melatonin for a sleep aid. I need to sleep better(or sleep period)my mind seems to always be foggy lately.
L, i wouldnt worry about the name change thing, in the grand scheme of things its small. Id probably suggest not following what shes doing so much. It helped me a little bit to not try to know everything W is doing.
Does she usually ask what your doing with the kids or do you think she was calling for a reaction from you?
Together:20 years M:3 years Me:40 WW:40 S15 A suspected:5/17 AC:5/18 BD:8/18 WW in full blown R w/ OM Still under same roof
I am sorry L.....my XW sold her engagement ring before we were divorced said she boughtu mor Xmas presents with it...lol. I know it hurts and I am really sorry......please take care of yourself, you are in the thick of it but I promise it will get better. Never forget you were just fine before you met your wife and you will be fine after. Please stop looking at her Sm accounts, nothing good will come of it.
Sorry pain. What they put you on if you don't mind me asking?
I've been on Zoloft for years for panic attacks. Never really had any problems with it, but i don't quite remember the first few days on it.
Regarding sleep, I also have had sleep problems for years. Rather than something like Ambien, Dr put me on Trazadone, which is also an anti anxiety, but has a side effect of helping with sleep. I take one 20 min before bed, and I'm usually out like a light. The only real side effect (aside from now being 'addicted' to them for sleep), is very vivid dreams. not wet dreams, but lifelike dreams. Dreaming about W and OM recently has sucked pretty bad!
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
Lane we are in very similar situations but mine is still living here. BD 5/10 and found out 3 days later it was PA. May was brutal but I made it here. Had a drunken July/Aug thought W wanted to R we spent a lot of time together, sex, etc but I soon realized I was still sharing and fully detached. Wish I was stronger sooner but am in my own room.
Crazy but she also seems detaching from me and in her eyes I am responsible for all the pain and damage in our marriage. She spends every weekend away with OM and says that’s the only way she can get any rest yet won’t commit to D. She also started using maiden name on IG. Start there don’t look, I fight not to but you will not see anything you want. Typically just quotes that you think are directed towards you.
Love the exercising, it helps. Read, call a friend, meet up with someone for coffee, lunch, dinner. It’s scary to do things that we haven’t done in so long. Our lives revolves around our spouses and what they wanted to do. It’s you time. Feel free to look at my thread, this stinks and I have good and bad days but I remember May, they were all bad days.
H-50 W-48 T-19 M -18 S23, S14 BD - 5/9/2018 OM discovered 5/10/2018
In house sep - 8/18/2018 Rope drop 2/15/2019 R'ing since 3/15/2019
Hello Team...lol...a lot of great people here. Thanks for your input on the anti depressants. I'm going to hold off a bit or try a smaller dosage. Terrapin, they put me on Venalaxafine. I was so nauseous, I was dry heaving at work..lol.Glad it wore off finally. I really think social media is the cause of alot of AFs nowadays. I've heard so many stories of people reconnecting with old flames. Hell, I've had old girlfriends friend me. Its actually awkward, but for some it opens the door. I do need to stop checking FB ...in fact, I really should disable or delete it. So I've read through alot of threads. I know I'm not the only brokenhearted person. I'm not glad about it either. I feel bad for every single one of us. And I am grateful for every single one of you. I'd be way more lost if I hadn't stumbled on this place. I'd still be pursuing and begging and probably in jail if I hadn't found this place. Tonight was a great night for GAL. I took my two youngest to the Fair. Spent way too much money. My kids rode tons of rides . And I watched all the weird people for 5 hours. Where do these people come from?. I tried not to think about the previous 15 years I'd been going with W. Okay I thought about it too much, but I was okay. I dropped kids off at Ws place and came on home. My 2 oldest wont stay with her. She is very hurt by them not wanting to stay there. I wont get in the middle of it if she asks. I need to prepare myself mentally for next week. Her trip...ugh. I'm so disappointed in her-- smh. I will just continue on and stay strong. I know I will need some uplifting advise and motivation, so be ready..lol. No, I will be okay. At times it will pop into my head ,how blown away I am that I am going through this. How my W turned so wayward...so out of character. I know some of you feel the exact same. Its really like a twilight zone /nightmare. If they only knew how much pain they inflicted...they still would not care.
ME 47 W 38 M17 T20 Separated 5/20/18 D-bomb 7/9/2018 Nothing Filed 4 kids ages 6, 10, 14, 15
