Woke up this morning did my morning routine- S has been good all week in his morning prep for school. Today- not so good. I enter his room after his alarm has been going off for 15 mins. Wake up S and gently remind him that he's running behind and needs to start moving. He responds by saying give me a minute I have a sore leg. I notice that today he is off and I think to myself- He came back from band practice yesterday- no mention of his leg after walking the dog - no mention of it all night maybe he slept on it funny. I validate- I" I understand that it may create some discomfort for you but let's focus on the positives and continue to move forward."- He say OK . I go downstairs to prepare my tea and breakfast. He gets his cereal and finishes eating and then gets himself ready to walk the dog. He's at the door when he says" It will only be a short walk because I have a sore leg" Again I validate- "I understand that it may feel a little sore at first but once you keep moving it may loosen up please walk the dog well- it is for the benefit of you and the dog". He then looks at me and says "can you walk him today?". My response was- I see that it may be painful for you but I already walked the dog earlier for you this week to reward you for progress in school- I would like to help you but I feel it is more important for you to learn to not let minor obstacles deter you from your objectives. He looks at me and says but my leg hurts. I said " we need to sometimes bare the discomfort and continue to move forward- to show you this I will walk the dog with you just in case you hurt yourself"- He says - Fine! I'll do it myself! grabs the leash and the dog and slams the door in my face as he's leaving. The old me - would get in his grill pull him back into the house and proceed to tear a strip from him. So I think- Breathe- stay calm and deal with this respectfully. S comes back after 20 mins and my dog runs to jump on my lap as I'm sitting on the couch. I calmly ask S to come sit on the couch so I can speak to him. I said please listen- I calmly stated that - I will not tolerate and words or actions of disrespect. Slamming the door in my face while having a conversation was a sign of disrespect and will not be tolerated. Secondly I sense that something is off with you - would you like to talk about it?. He says - No. I ask "can I ask you a serious question ?"He say "what". "Your mom was here yesterday - do you feel this had an influence on your mood today?" He says " I don't want to talk about it". I said "First I want to say that I love you and want you to know I will do everything I can to support you, I hope you know you can talk to me about anything- I may not know all the answers but I will do my best to find them out or direct you to someone that can help you. I encourage you now to speak to someone about how you are feeling your IC, a counselor at school, our priest just some who will listen and can possibly help. Keeping all this negative emotion pent up inside you will only harm you. Please consider talking with someone. Know that most of all I am here for you no matter what! He says OK dad and walks away. I am so heartbroken for my S it kills me to see him in anguish. I went to the gym and older lady says that my positive attitude inspires her at the gym Another lady make a comment about how muscular and defined my arms are. I joke that they are inflatable- lol. While doing cardio I think to myself - what happens now? W is no longer attractive to me. Why was I so head over heals in love with her and now BLAH? Did I put her on a pedestal? Did this made me feel like second class. I examined my feelings a bit - to come up with the conclusion that I may not miss my W but I miss the closeness of a relationship. The sharing of lifes experiences with that some one special. I miss the quality family moments - at church and family gatherings( thanksgiving coming up) and to have that trust and bond with someone special. Not sure where this journey goes- but gonna do my best to be the best me possible. Stay positive - Stay well! Blessings
M51 w50 T-20Yrs M-16Yrs S15- mad at W for not trying and giving up 1 Awesum dog BD 10/31/17 separate rooms 02/08/18 wife moved out 05/17/18
