Thanks for the feedback, I do need to detach. I know I do because he pulls me right back in. Theres been some new developments.
He came over this morning before work, the dog heard the door open, jumped and spilled my coffee all over the brand new white rug I just bought. Normally, this is something I would get so angry about, but I stayed calm. He tried to help clean it up and I said not to worry about it, spend time with the baby, ill handle it.
So I cleaned it and he played with the baby. We had pleasant convo as always and then he said "when I come Sunday to hang out with her, ill mow the yard"..I responded, You dont have to do that. And he said no I will its okay. Then he started talking about how when he builds the shed in the backyard for me hes going to move the dirt to the other side of the yard where we get puddles from rain. I was shocked by this because he hasnt discussed building that shed for me in over 2 months.
He stayed for a while and then left and about 2 minutes after he left I received a text from him. I will put our text convo below:
H: I hope it gets easier W: It will. With time we will all get used to it. H: I tear up everytime W: Shes your baby girl, leaving her seems unimaginable. Its a hard situation, in time we will have it down. H: It s*cks more because of you W: What do you mean? H: The things youve changed just hurt my feelings W: like what? H: Everything H: It all f*cking s*cks W: Its not easy, I think were just both doing the best we can and focusing on the baby H: Im sorry H:For everything H: I should have address the unhappiness I felt a lot differently H: Have a good day W: I appreciate that and i appreciate you being a good dad through all of it. You have a good day too H:Im trying
Now, when he says the thing about the things ive changed hurt his feelings, he has said this to me before. He says it upsets him that it took him being half way out the door before I would change certain things about myself. So I am assuming that is what he means by that comment.
So this is where it gets hard because normally after he says things like that I would start to feel like he is feeling remorse and i would try to talk about R with him. And I know not to do that now. But he came by the house again a little bit ago because something happened with work and he was venting to me about it, and he had on the hat of the OW bar in the other city, that I have repeatedly asked him not to wear in our home.
In the middle of him venting I said to him "H, GET RID OF THE HAT."
He said "Look, Ill throw it away right now. I dont care about it, its just a hat" and i said "I know you dont, but I DO, and thats the point."
He threw it away in the trash and we went on talking about his work situation and things were fine and then he went back to work. I hope I didnt mess up my progress with the hat situation, but I REFUSE to be disrespected like that in our home. Him wearing that hat AT ALL is hurtful because I know she gave it to him.
When he left we were fine and he didnt make it a big thing. He said he will be back later to see the baby.
This is where I have to work hard because part of me thinks hes feeling low and for once hes feeling low about our R and where it is right now. But I know I have to stick to what im doing. He usually feels remorse for a bit and then things go right back to how they were and he reverts right back to this lifestyle hes been living. What to do? How to act? suggestions?
