She knows...Pt. 4

[SteveLW]

bm,

I am with LW, I applaud anyone that is protecting their child. So that aspect is commendable IF your actions were pure.

However, (here comes the 2x4s), I question that last if. Were your intentions pure?

First, why the forum you chose? Why FB? And if you don't feel bad about it (you repeated that many times in your post almost as if you were trying to convince yourself as much as us) then why did you take it down?

Were your intentions all about protecting son? Or was it more about getting at her? Breaking them up? Etc?

If it were all about protecting son, why not call the police anonymously to report the illegal cobra keeping? Why make a big public splash? What were your true motivations for taking the steps that you took.

bm, you would not be the first LBS that used the well-being of their child as an excuse to throw shade at their WAS and their AP. It is a common tactic. All I am asking you to do is to be honest with yourself about all of this.

For me the telling things are that
a) you took the post down. Sorry, but if I am not sorry about something I don't reverse course on it.
b) you don't believe that it is really over, but you sent S off, potentially to be around this excon and his illegal snakes, with your STBXW. I am sorry to be blunt bm, but is that really putting your S's well-being first?
c) Interesting timing. You've known who this guy was for a while now. But it isn't until she gets a date for the D hearing (before the deadline that you were counting down daily) and then you have your "chance" meeting with OM. Then just a few days later you run background checks (again after all this time) and decide to blow the whole thing up on fb.

It sounds to me that your upset about her acting on the D before the deadline and running into OM (again, I am not sure if you are being honest with yourself about the chance nature of that) caused you to take action. We talk a lot on this board about the illusion of action. LBSs often think they have to DO something, and that's usually when they do something to sabotage themselves.

So following your sitch recently, if put 2 and 2 together, you gave up on DBing because for a few weeks she showed some positive actions, you got sucked in, you put too much weight on the D filing expiring, and then you spiraled from there.

Just one question.....what happened to running things by this forum before acting? Why be so impulsive? You realize that after D, short of your XW dating a convicted child molester, there is going to be NOTHING you can do about who she takes your S around, right? Heck, you know this guy is an excon with illegal snakes and there is nothing you can do about it, short of reporting his illegal snakes to the authorities, which you seem unwilling to do!

Okay, said my peace. Good luck bm. We often tell posters here to be careful of the actions they take because the actions often lead them to what they fear most (getting D'd) and I fear that this flurry of activity has indeed sent you down that path.

I will keep you and your sitch in my prayers.