Thank you job, AndrewP, HaWho and Bttrfly for your replies, I know I have great kids, fortunately ones who see right through their dad!
Well what an eventful week it has been! All on the H front and for me big lows and highs.
On Tuesday I received an email from h, it was his birthday the week before and I had sent him an email wishing him a nice day and said it was nice to see him at the wedding and what a lovely day it was and hope all is good with him. He did not reply, which was unusual for him but I did not think anything more of it.
Tuesday I receive an email in the evening from him replying to my email, he wrote that things are not great with him and he is now living with s21. So I asked s24 if he had heard from his dad and did he know what has happened. It all came out, turns out that h has had OW2 for about a year, they moved in together shortly after meeting and have decided to buy a house together.
Talk about a hit between the eyes, i had absolutely no idea that OW2 existed and the fact they are buying a house together?? The plot then thickens as I replied to H pretending I knew none of this and said that I hoped that everything was ok with him and his house - meaning his rental. He replied within minutes:
H " Got myself in to a bit of a pickle. Was gently going along with buying a house, went unconditional (point of no return otherwise lose deposit) on Thursday. Guess that shook me awake and realized life wasn't what I wanted. Talked about it, not much fun as you appreciate and decided to end it. Moved in to s21 for some space. I can afford the house by myself but its more than I would comfortably like and I have used my pension scheme (you can use it towards a house) as my deposit. Its not a house I would buy for myself and will need to get a couple of lodgers in once I can afford to fit it out with the basics. Hoping bank comes back that I can have a solo mortgage and no complications with removing her from the paperwork. Well thats me f$$%^ things up again, I should come with a government health warning"
Me" Oh, Im confused, are you seeing someone?"
H : ah, yes, about a year now"
I was dying inside and laughing all at the same time, could not control the range of emotions happening to me.
S21 spoke to me last night, h met her last year, they dated for a couple of months and then decided to move in together. She has two kids and according the boys their relationship was very odd and more like flatmates than partners. She liked the best of everything, spends spends and of course his wage could sustain that lifestyle. He loved the status but not the person that went with it. S21 also said that he had never seen his dad so quiet and under the thumb, he wasn't allowed to watch his programmes, they always had to be out doing something, she ruled the house.
H then told me that the reason he ended it " I wasn't happy in the relationship, felt I was the one that was always compromising/tolerating things and it built resentment. And didn't really want a family other than our boys, just comes as part of the package it seems. Single life is definitely easier, its only down to me if I am happy or not and no one else to consider". He said that he hadn't been happy for a long time, he buried his head in the sand and now can see that dating someone and actually living with someone are very different and everyone comes with baggage ... ...
Since then he has emailed to tell me the bank has agreed to a solo mortgage and s21 and s21 g/friend is going to move in short term to help out, plus they will bring all their belongings so he will have the basics for the house. They all move in in 2 weeks time.
The boys were a bit surprised he contacted me and so quickly, I am too; I am not enough for him to tell me he was with someone, or tell me he was buying a house, but I am enough for him to reach out to when it all goes wrong. Its de ja vu - the exact same thing as last time ... only that time he instigated his (disastrous) return. This time I have not jumped on it, I have remained friendly but not asked any questions about the relationship and only general questions about the house buying. I am concious that he is just using me and will have no problem dropping me out of his life when something/one else comes along.
All I can think is what an oddball she must have been, I mean who would rush in to moving in with a guy after only dating a few weeks and who would buy a house with a married man, because technically we still are. Red flags would be going up everywhere and I would run a mile if I met a man who was still married after 4 years separation!!
Anyway, I am ok, I try and see the amusing side of it all, it is funny really, such a disaster for him and his house and sad bank balance will serve as a reminder every day of her and the mess he got himself in to ...... again ....... Wonder if he will learn anything or if we be having the same conversation next year, when he has moved someone in to his house and cant get rid of her hahahaha ......... should have stuck with me, I look completely amazing and normal compared to the nut jobs he picks.
So that's been my week. Emotionally taken a hit but generally feel ok at the moment. Glad I have s24 in my corner, he has been totally amazing and just shakes his head at the whole thing. S21 just laughs at it all, thinks his dad has completely lost it and finds the mess he is making of his life highly amusing.
Thanks for taking the time to read, love and hugs to everyone xoxo
