Welp, everyone...I have no idea what is gonna come of this, but I may have ruined the entire thing.
The good news: I know who the mole is on my fb.
The bad news...well...I'm a total idiot.
After the whole "new bf thinks I'm following him" thing...I found him on fb and sent him a message. It said basically "Look, I want you to understand that I'm not looking to cause you any trouble. I'm not okay with what's going on, but that's not my call. I just wanted to make it clear that I'm not going to be a problem." < not exact quote, but close
No reply. I didn't expect one.
Something felt off about the whole thing. Suddenly this dude is spending time with S, he's staying at his house overnight...and W didn't know him all that well.
I'm a dad before anything else. So I started researching the dude. Nothing wild, just some public records...just to make sure he wasn't a psycho. Turns out he had been in jail up until about a year ago for DWI, drug possession. Also...he raises exotic venomous snakes in his apartment. Not like pet snakes, freaking cobras and stuff.
First, it's illegal (even with a permit) to have those kinds of snakes in the city we're in. Second...who really keeps freaking cobras when they have a kid of their own?
I didn't do anything to them. Although I thought really hard about reporting the snakes to the police.
Nope. Instead I vented about it on fb. Mine. She's blocked.
An hour later I get a message from OM. He said he was sorry, he understood why/how I felt, and he has decided to call it off with her. Whether I believe it or not doesn't really matter...turns out they had told S not only his real name, but also a convenient fake name that S could call him. Yeah because that's not manipulative af...lie to the kid so he wouldn't have information to talk about. Not that I ask him, he's 4, he just talks about cool stuff like snakes and riding in fast cars.
Then W texts: "please, can you stop this?"
I just replied "I only vented on my fb. You weren't supposed to be able to see that."
A phone call happened. She was pretty devastated sounding. I assured her that my intent wasn't to cause trouble or to split them up, and I agreed to take the post down.
Today I picked up S from school. When she got off work, she came to get him. I made spaghetti for him (he loved it) and sent a bunch home with him so he could have it later if he wanted it. There was enough for S and W (I know she's broke, and I know it's not my problem, but I want to make sure S is ok). She barely knocked, only cracked the door and peeked in, then I told her she could come in while I get S ready to go. She would barely even look at me. I was going to walk S to the car and help him get buckled in the car seat and say goodbye to him like I usually do, but she said "No, we're fine." I said "Ok" then got a big hug from S, and I told them to have a good evening.
She. Was. A. Wreck. Like, she just got off work supposedly, and she looked like she had been though absolute hell there. Clothes were all a mess, no makeup, messy hair (honestly kinda cute...heh), blank expression, no eye contact...just like her entire world had just been effed up.
Well, next time background check dudes before you have them around my kid.
Really, I wasn't trying to start trouble. I learned who had been sending her info all along. Honestly...I may keep them around and just stop venting about it on my own fb. Or not. It's mine, and she doesn't get to pick what I post on it.
Some friends are telling me that I pulled some crazy stuff. I literally wasn't trying to. I almost feel bad about it...except that the crippling anxiety that's been with me since seeing her car at his house...is just totally gone. I didn't plan things to happen that way...but I also don't feel bad about it at all.
Will she come back? Probably not.
Does that matter more than making sure my S is safe around strange dudes? Hell no.
Since then, I'm not contacting her at all. Only when it's necessary about S.
She'll figure this out. She thought she was doing good, but then didn't really think about what the dude was like before bringing S around him...and now everyone knows the kind of guy he was. And how she walked out on our family so she could make decisions like this.
I feel bad for embarrassing her...although I didn't choose her path. I literally just wanted to vent what I found to my friends/fam. Well, maybe she'll wake up one day.
So I'm pretty sure that is gonna be a major DB setback.
On the other hand...S comes first. If he's not safe, then her opinions don't matter to me at all. When the safety of S in in question, she can get right out of the way.
Side note: honestly I don't think they're really gonna call it off. I think it was a bluff to protect OM's reputation, and he has a S as well, so my moral compass told me that it would be best to take the post down...although I still don't really care how W feels about it. Talking to the guy was interesting. I don't buy it...but he was very polite and even kind of took my side a bit. Which is probably the red flag...but you know? It doesn't matter.
Curious to see what happens next. Although I would wager that I'm gonna be a lot better off going forward mentally. Nobody puts S in harm's way and gets a pass.
