THANK YOU. Those responses were So helpful. I wish I could read these all day long over and over. I need to remember to say these things, I just am so afraid of pissing him off, I dont even know why! Its like im so afraid if I do something that upsets him hes going to finish filing for D and then it will have been my fault for pushing him to that and I lose out on having more time.
Im constantly thinking about the future and making myself anxious. I need to stop.
Davide,
Thank you thank you thank you. Youre right, it is a marathon. Our situation started almost a year ago but I did not start actively DB'ing until about a week and a half ago. I know it is early but I am so afraid since its been so long since BD he is just going to give up. In the last year we have been on and off, working on our R, not working on it, living together, not living together. Its been crazy. Its funny you bring up the lighthouse because I was thinking earlier today I need to ask about that. I have heard so many people reference it in here and i have no read it.
I am definitely the one that has my S*** together and he knows it. He keeps saying hes going to get his together, which part of me wants him to and part of me doesnt. If getting his S*** together means him starting a new life like we used to have with someone else, then that will devastate me. Part of me feels like he needs to hit rock bottom in order to see that his new found lifestyle is no way to live. But he has surrounded himself with people who live that lifestyle, so all he sees is acceptance to that and people boosting his ego etc. Crazy. I would think he would take one look at the older men he is surrounding himself with that spend all their time in the bars and go home to twin sized beds all alone, drunk, and think Wow I dont want to be like that. But instead he just thinks he is smarter than that and it wont happen to him.
He is creating this life and bringing people into it with him to make himself feel justified in it. But here I am focusing on him. I would love to read the lighthouse thread, bc I do feel thats what I am and have been, if I am assuming I know the idea behind it.
You guys have no idea how much I appreciate the responses you give. They really clear my worries and make me feel confident. I took a break from work and got dressed to the 9's, makeup on, and I will leave for a bit when he arrives to the house.
