As far as confronting about an A, yes I do agree with that. If you know an A is taking place, then by all means let them know that you know. Just expect them to deny, deny, deny. Don't believe the denials. When they demand proof just tell them there's no need, you both know what's going on. Don't tell them "I looked at your FB messages" or "I looked on your phone" or whatever, because what's the point? You're just giving them ammo to paint you as the bad guy because you are "invading their privacy." Don't give them the ammo, it's enough that you know, and you don't owe them an explanation.
Anotherstander I tried that approach initially, I simply said I know about the flirting with OM and I don't like it and I am not talking about it further. She denied, played if off as just a work friend. When it came up again same thing. This frustrated me to no end and I thought screw it I am not going to play games with this and I told her specifics of their exchanges word for word. I just couldn't stand the downplaying, to me it's no different than lying.
Originally Posted by AnotherStander
Exactly. Things sound like they are going well enough but I still think you need to pull back a bit and give her time and space. Don't assume everything is "back to normal", a lot of potential recons have been derailed because the LBS fell back into the same old habits after the WAS gave them another chance. You're on probation right now!
Absolutely and I recognize that nothing is back to "normal". I certainly don't want to go back to what it was because nothing about it was "normal", since I have changed, she has also changed a lot, she's been so much easier to talk to and communicate with, we have had virtually no problems other than a couple instances of her venting about small issues like my son telling me he was eating an egg sandwich for breakfast and that my egg sandwiches are better than moms in front of her lol so I chuckled about it and got hell later for not telling him to just eat and not hurt his moms feelings. She vented, I said yes he was manipulating I didn't recognize it at the time, I shouldn't encourage it, and I am sorry about it. And it was done. No major blowouts other than her blowout when I told her specifics of her EA, but that's a typical guilt reaction. I told my C that me looking at her phone and her EA are 2 separate issues, they are not one and can't be played against each other, they need to be dealt with separately. Her blowing up allowed her to avoid the issue and her guilt t the time, but she thought about it after the fact, otherwise she wouldn't have brought it up again.
