I was doing that for a while when he was still living here, but it didnt seem to do much. He did initiate sex a few times but nothing in the case of reconciling or even really asking many questions.
He mentioned a few times I was being vague with my plans so he doesnt want to pry, which frustrates me because I want him to try and pry. Although he seems very confused about life, he seems very level headed when it comes to certain things. He knows it is no longer his place to ask me questions when I go places alone, but if I am with the baby he will ask anything he wants because he says he has the right to know where his D is. which I get.
He seems to understand that me moving on means I might meet someone else, and I think that bothers him yes, but he wont really know how much until I actually do it. Which I have no desire to anytime soon.
When he gets angry he will ALWAYS say things like "I hope you find the man you are looking for. And theyll probably be a better dad". He is ALWAYS making comments like that, like in mean ways as if our M is ending because IM LOOKING for a different type of man. He doesnt acknowledge the A in that sense, he just says he never felt like he could live up to what I wanted and I didnt appreciate him or show him love and I wasnt intimate enough with him.
He resorts back to these issues EVERYTIME we argue, even though he states he knows I have worked on things and I have changed things, he feels like its fake because it took him leaving in order for me to make these changes. Then he will usually apologize and say he feels bad for putting things on me and that he should have stuck up for himself in our M more and that he should have never entertained another woman and its all his fault, etc etc. Back and forth, back and forth.
Ready2Change,
I already responded "yes" to him about coming to see her tonight and he responded "Thanks". I will keep your suggestion in mind for next time. But I do think if I were to say "you are welcome to join us" he would take that as me trying to spend time with him and thats not what I want right now I wouldnt think. My H is VERY aware that ive wanted nothing more than to save our M. He knows that im heartbroken about all of this, but I dont think he even knows what that entails. But regardless of that, he pulls away big time as SOON as I push forward. So to tell him he can join us would probably be a recipe for disaster.
Throughout this process, as soon as I would start to pull away, even just slightly, he would hold on tight and become worried. I could tell through his actions and texts etc. And as soon as he gave me an inch I would jump right back on board with him. WHich was stupid, I see that now. This is the first time I have really pulled away from him that he doesnt seem to be getting worried or holding on tight. Which is scary for me. Seems like he has made up his mind that the S is what he wants, and Divorce is what he is going for. Although his actions seem a bit all over the place, he doesnt seem concerned with if im pulling away foreal or not. And this is a first.
I slightly expected to tell him to leave and him try to come home. I know Steve has mentioned some of his actions can be seen as him weaseling his way back in, which is definitely possible, but I guess i just wish he was trying to figure out how im feeling and be nervous. And clearly he isnt.
He is STILL going to the bar daily, which shows me how little he cares. It used to just make me feel like he was a mess and numbing his pain, and now I just see it as he is just really going forward living his life and he doesnt really care how it looks to me or what I think. He always respected my opinion enough before to never want me to be disappointed in him, now he definitely could care less. Yet the night I asked him to leave he said to me "Im going to quit drinking and smoking so I can have rights to my daughter"....which I never even mentioned drinking and smoking and any custody situations or ANYTHING like that.
He is so afraid I am going to take her from him. He wont even stop and think how well he knows me and how he knows I will not do that. Hes on his own rollercoaster in my mind, but it seems like for him he is just going through life being a good dad and doing what he wants to do everyday. He sees nothing wrong with it. When I asked him the other day when we talked when he said he knew he needed to put more effort in to spending time with D and I, I asked him "are you ok? Genuinely, are you ok? Do you need to talk to me, are you on your feet and doing ok? I am raising a baby with you and I need you to talk to me about things if you feel like you are not doing alright." and his response was "no im not okay but yes I am."
Hes just SO far off from who I used to know, I feel like he is struggling internally sometimes but will not speak to me about it. He doesnt want us to have our emotional connection anymore. He wants to pull away from me as much as he can. Im rambling, sorry. I hope you guys can find any questions I have asked in this entry. Thanks
