It's happening. She's moving out on Saturday. I have mixed emotions about it. Here they are:
Of course you are going to run through all those emotions, and many more! I know this is tough, but once you get through this part things get much easier day-by-day. Like you said, settling into that "new normal" is the key.
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2. Anger. W refuses to see an IC. I see one who is a family therapist. He helps me understand what is in our Ds best interest and W telling them she is leaving and then actually leaving that same day is not in their best interest. Despite me expressing this to her, she is adamant about leaving on Saturday. Fine. A large part of me is very ready for her to be gone, but I'm so angry at how unbelievably selfish she is being in regards to our Ds' best interest. I have been asking her to plan an exit strategy with me for two months. She's too afraid to confront her own decisions and talk about them. She would rather just do and force me to deal with the mess she creates.
Understandable. All you can do is be the best dad possible to your kids, be their rock in this tough time.
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3. Anxiousness. I am dreading this transition period to the new normal for a lot of reasons. Having to defend this situation to my Ds when it's not what I want and I don't support it. Watching them experience this will be heart wrenching. I don't know how I can be strong for them, but I will find a way.
Well keep in mind that while you are losing your W 100% of the time, they're only losing their mom for part of the time. It's not like they're never going to see either of you again, you will both be there for them. I expected my kids to be devastated when XW moved out, but surprisingly they were excited about having two places to live. They wanted to show me how they had set up their rooms at her place. It was surreal. So love and support them, but don't be surprised if they're not as despondent as you think they will be. And if they are, then it may be a good idea to get them in counseling for a while.
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Spending nights alone, without my family, in our home.
That was the hardest part for me. That first week that XW had the kids, wow. The girls even wanted to take the dog so it was literally just me there in the house alone for the first time ever in that house we had bought new together 15 years before. I didn't know a house and a bed could feel so utterly empty. But that is the time to double down on GAL. I did everything I could to get out of the house and do things. At first I had to force myself, but eventually I began to enjoy it. Now my two D's have grown and moved out. I still have my S every other week, but he's 15 and pretty independent. So I have a lot of alone time. And I've come to love it! I work out, I tinker with stuff in the garage, I work on my art. I miss my XW 0% of the time now. I love stretching out in the bed, staying up late if I want, watching a movie and cranking up the surround sound, going for a motorcycle ride on the spur of the moment. I have a GF, but I don't need her. She's just someone that now and then comes along for the ride that is my awesome life. You'll get there too. It takes time, it takes pain, it takes hard work. But you will get there.
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Getting lost in my thoughts about the future I thought we would have now being nothing but a memory.
Yup. Life is not on board with our hopes and dreams and wishes and plans. It has it's own agenda, and it will slap you down just about the time you think you have it figured out. This experience changed my perception, now I take life a day at a time.
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I'm looking forward to truly rediscovering myself and doing some things that I want to do. Truly GAL when I'm not with my children and especially when we are together. Taking them to new places. Making new daddy-daughter memories. Giving them the best life I possibly can. My future is bright, with or without W. I'm at least above the 50th percentile in smarts, success, and looks. I could stand to lose a few pounds, but I know that I have a better me and a better relationship at some point in my future.
