DB / Detach, WAW... piecing

[Did]

Thanks all. I am going to heed the advice. Go back to DB and have gotten back in IC. I will reread the books and posts here. I know it in my mind but have to have the balls to do it and stay strong, consistently. Pretty disappointed in the fact that she put herself out there a bit with expressing feelings for me, saying shes attracted etc... after limited to no contact for a while and I screwed it up by jumping all over it. Rather than just putting it in my pocket and continuing as was working. This is a repetitive theme and shows I have more work to do on myself. Im going to do the work. I will reread the books. Getting back into IC yesterday felt a lot better to talk through things its expensive but it is what it is. Wish I had been in IC consistently but at $125/hr plus support and job change its a lot.

I have not reached out to W at all the last 2 days. Except about D4. She thanked me for the space and said she needed it. It just seems so far fetched that we could recon. I'll do the opposite of what I want, pull away go as dark as I can, even though what I want is to hold her in my arms and be honest... we're still way apart in what we want.

One thing- she knows I have been dating. I am going to pick up D4's stuff before school ends today. I was thinking of asking how she's doing and just telling her I'm pulling back from dating. Or just say nothing and let her think Im out there with women... Thoughts?

LITB- Thanks for chiming in. I started reading up on your sitch but had a hard time following. It gives me a sigh of relief or ray of light to see someone who got back together. Seems like a dream or fantasy.

I pulled away from new woman. She is such a kind and good person. She doesnt deserve to be hurt. I feel like an a**hole for getting involved knowing she has strong feelings and Im so unsure.

I do have this NGS, fixer, white knight thing. I have always gone for women based on looks and then they need to be fixed. Eventually the relationship ends and I try to fix it. I have things to work on, no denying that. W also has a lot of issues and I still want her and us / our family. My thought process with divorce and new woman was that she is healthy attractive a good partner long term. Kind of the opposite of what I have always gone for. So that's where my head was at before... that maybe this could be a healthier relationship. But then W showed interest I felt out of control etc.