Okay, this is strictly my take on things, so tell me to go jump in a lake if you want.
I don't know if your H is a porn addict or not; however, it seems that it was an issue for your marriage at one time and you made it clear that he needed to stop. For whatever reason, you decided that he could look at porn again.
I see some things here that cause me concern. Number one, the fact that one spouse 'gives permission' to another to do anything indicates some serious emotional fusion. Two, why would you tell an alcoholic, or someone who has a bit of a time controlling their alcohol intake, that it's okay now to continue drinking? Your H may not be an addict, but he does have a problem, and it seems to me it is causing difficulty in your marriage. YOU have to lay down rules... and if he can't abide by them, you will either get mad, or he's going to start sneaking. This sounds really, really, 'off' to me. The way the dynamics of this has been set up will guarentee that you ALWAYS lose.
The fact that he can't 'finish' with you indicates to me that there is some serious 'emotional distance' between the two of you when you are ML. Why? What is at the bottom of that?
I don't think lack of sex is the problem in your marriage. I think your H (and possibly you) have some issues below the surface that are poisoning your relationship. (Let me say, everyone has issues, so if that is sounding negative, I don't mean it to). The point is, my overwhelming reaction to your posts is to haul ass to a MC and pronto.
If your H won't go, go yourself. I think there are serious boundary issues here that can be fixed, and I think your H is in deep denial of the role his emotional fears/fusion issues are having on your R.
If he doesn't have the strength to stop it himself, fine. You're going to have to. Is that fair? No. It sucks. It's yet one more thing to add to your plate. But girl, if you don't take some serious action, you will continue this downward spiral into helplessness and depression.
You CANNOT change your H. But you can seriously change the way you do business in that R, and I think you've let things slide long enough. Would you ever, ever, EVER stand by and watch your children to be bullied or manipulated, no matter how innocent it seemd on the surface? He!! no you wouldn't. And it's because you love them.
The kind of love you have for your children is what you deserve to have, and to give, to yourself. NO ONE can do this for you but you.
It's time to make a choice. The only way your children will learn self-love and self-respect is through the excellent example you yourself set for them.
