You are right. It has been a week since then and my gut tells me he is on a date of some sort with OW tonight. Really taking everything in me to keep it together tonight. No contact from him today whatsoever, I really wish I could go dark for like a month from him. Obviously I cant because of our daughter, but I just feel so hurt and angry with how things are unfolding.
He seems all over the place and then all of a sudden no contact and doesnt come see D. I feel like if he wasnt able to see me AT ALL he would feel the loss. But it cant be done that way in our situation. I will stick to doing this. Steve said trust the process. I will continue to do what I can, GAL, 180, wake up and read Sandi's rules.
I have been reading a lot of threads from Bluwave and wow. She started off by explaining how her and her H are back together and working on things, so it is a feeling of hope to read that. Her very first post sounds verbatim like my H. Her posts were back in 2016, I am only to her 2nd thread now, but I enjoy reading her words of wisdom. She reiterates how she wishes she had gotten out of her own head and stopped worrying so much about what her husband was doing and thinking. She also said her H told her that when she was herself and cordial towards him it made him feel much more guilty about what he was doing and pulled him in a little more, and when she lashed out and was angry or ignored him he would justify what he was doing and become more angry.
Just good things to know, although everyone is different. I dont know what my H wants from me, or needs from me in order to come out of this fog and want to work on our M, but I guess that isnt where my focus is supposed to be because he is not opening up to me about that. I need to really focus on myself and i know that. I get very upset because our D is so young, discussing sharing time is very difficult, and the anticipation of that is really painful for me. but I am trying.
I want him to regret these decisions he is making, but hes having NO consequences whatsoever from them. The only consequence he has felt so far is not being able to live here, and thats part of his doing. But no other consequences so he will continue to live this way which is very sad. VERY sad. Bc this bar life he is choosing with OW and whoever else will never compare to a family life he could be living.
