i agree with everything Another Stander has given you except the issue with your confronting your W about the EA... i think you were right to do it... so many LBS avoid it like the plague--and i don't ever see that it helps them... when i was a WW, my H knew about my EA early on and said nothing... eventually the EA became a PA... had he mentioned it right away, i would have thrown myself at his feet, and i would have walked away from OM as i was not yet attached... once i became attached, it became difficult to walk away... i don't think you should keep bringing him up now... just don't let her think you are a fool... --artista
Thanks Artista, it was a good move, I put it on the table and it freed me from feeling like I was punched in the gut. It gave me more confidence and it healed me from it.
Update, spent some time at home with the wife and the kids late last week and early this week, hired a new manager at my store she is picking up my slack which is awesome and has allowed me to spend more time at home. Went home last Friday, wife had to work night shift all weekend, so I grabbed my kids and took them out camping Saturday and Sunday, there were numerous friends there, had a blast kids had a blast, good times at the campfire, lots of laughs and photos. Noticed the W sending me selfies every night before work, complimented her, then went silent. Got back Monday afternoon W was still sleeping at 3 because she was working 11:00 pm to 7:00 am shift. I had a big post on Facebook with loads of photos of friends and the kids and having fun, and noted when she did get up she was acting a bit out of sorts, I am assuming she saw the post and maybe she was irritated it looked like everyone was having so much fun without her, neighbor came over and hes a single dad living with his parents across the alley, our kids play together and she was telling him they should go out to some club and then we had her birthday dinner planned for the 4th with the family and shes inviting him and his kids along and we were sitting on the deck and I was talking to him about hunting season and how I would like to get out a bit more this year and get more serious about it and she said "oh good well you will have lots of time" then she got up and went in the house, I didn't say a word. Just kept chatting with the neighbor, and yes I know he has a massive crush on her he likes Latina women, but I don't care much he's not a major threat to my marriage don't mind him visiting he's a good guy other than he wants to bang my wife and shack up with her lol. I told her if she wants to go to the club with him to go ahead I have no interest.
I also want to mention that when I confronted her about her EA I told her that we have no trust with all these locked phones, me included, so I told her I unlocked my phone she can go and look anytime at my messages or facebook, I was done with that. I noted her iPad is unlocked, her computer, and I believe her phone is also unlocked, I didn't look but I have no interest in it anymore.
So fast forward to that night. We sat at the kitchen table talking, she wasn't tired because she was still in night shift mode. She asked me to stay up with her. There was some intimate joking by her. We were very open with our talk. We talked about a lot of things. Then she jokingly said "what do you want to do now, play cards, make love?" Then she says "no not doing that again". And I said "no problem I don't want to be pulled in and pushed back out that's fine". Then to my shock she brought up her EA, I hadn't mentioned it since the confrontation. She told me he's not the only guy at work that came onto her, she also told me she has no interest in him, and she apologized, I told her I understand and it's done, as long as it's the end of it. Meanwhile it being her birthday the next day I got her a dozen roses and some wine and a card, and laid it on her pillow, she went upstairs for something and came back down and hugged me and kissed me she was completely glowing over it. So it was about 12:30 am and I said well I am done and we went to bed, we were in our en-suite bathroom brushing teeth washing faces etc and I was trying to pee and she was reaching in the cabinet above and rubbing against me (yeah I know sorry not to spare you guys sounds like a fricken soap opera) and then we laid down and she was only in panties and a top and no pajamas means one thing. Started with a back rub for her and you know where that ended up.
In the morning I had a cake for her and me and the kids sang happy birthday. It was the kids first day of school back so we took them together (our son has autism he needs a lot of support for massive transitions we agreed we would both be there) and then went back to the house, I stayed home, and I was working and she said "oh come watch this show with me" some kinda Netflix of HBO thing she is watching and yeah next thing you know, well you know.
That evening we went to a nice Italian place with the family and had a birthday dinner. She seemed very happy all day. We went home and she was very tired I rubbed her back until she fell asleep, it was early, like 9:30, then I went downstairs and watched TV until about midnight. Things are looking pretty good for us. I have counseling again Friday, went last Friday (she said I would never follow through she probed me a bit about my session and I just said yeah it was good for me). The counselor didn't do much for me, maybe validated some of my feelings, I got less from the counselor than I do from my 2 best friends that I vent on, but my wife appreciates that I am seeing a "professional".
When I left this morning, she hugged me and kissed me. I am feeling far less cut off. I expect her to go hot and cold off and on but I am feeling very positive.
So to all of you struggling, when I had a WW and I thought I was going to lose my family, there is hope, I will say TAKE THE ADVICE of what you read here and follow it, if your relationship is savable it is savable by following the advice you find here.
