Thanks. Ya I would not ignore any texts he sends regarding D, but sometimes he will text with small statements or like last night randomly sending me a picture..I of course want to respond but I wonder if he has any clue what he is doing to me sometimes. He is very aware Ive been trying to save our marriage, its been a week since I said "show me your phone or I will assume you are with OW and I cant have you live here". Of course I still want to save our marriage, but he is gone now, I havent just magically stopped loving him. And everytime he texts me and its like he doesnt even see what he is doing to me.
I am so lost without him, and I need to detach, and he makes it very hard sometimes because I feel like he will do anything to get a response from me. When really I just want to tell him "I am not ignoring you. I am just trying to find my place as a single mom and tackle everyday the best I can moving forward. Ive been trying so hard to fix our marriage..that is clearly not happening so now I just need some time to figure out what it is that I WANT."
Its like yes I want him to text me, absolutely. But its never what I want to hear. I will always be open when it comes to coparenting and I will always respond about D for sure, but other things right now I just dont know the right things to say because my emotions are EVERYWHERE. And sometimes I feel like his texts are an attempt to pull me into a conversation, just to know he still has me on the hook. And then he will pull me down the emotional rabbit hole of things like "we love eachother" just to let me down with "but it isnt the same". Or something along those lines.
I wish I could get a grip on my own emotions, Im mad, im sad, im struggling alone. One minute I know I am a catch, the next im thinking im about to be a divorced single mom at the age of 31, only married 3 short years to the man Ive been with 9 years, who just a year ago confessed how every year it gets better and better. I become SO angry with him sometimes I swear I could drive up to the bar I KNOW HES IN and pull his no good a** out of there! I want to say to him WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! Throwing our lives away FOR THIS?! Any woman he has met there is not half the woman I am. Gosh if I met him now I would stay far far away.
But thats not the case.So I hold on the amazing man I fell in love with and built a life with who now seems to want none of it. Do men normally have successful relationships when staying with OW? He once told me last time I made him leave, that he was continuing to talk to OW bc why wouldnt he if I wouldnt talk to him.....The knowledge behind that is just absolutely ridiculous, but he said it. I hold on to the fact that he has ended it repeatedly with her through this process. Yes, he goes back to her it seems, but I worry it could be something he truly tries to have as his future.
Again, IM ALL OVER THE PLACE, bc if he is seeing someone at the bar he is always at here, then that is not the original OW. But at this point, im sure he has multiple. Especially now that he doesnt have to sleep here every night like he was.
