She has done nothing towards anything (that I know of). Nothing towards a D and nothing towards us starting to R. NOTHING. I had to make a decision on the health insurance with little to no input from her. Our lease is up in a few months, I feel a lot of pressure on this front.
I agree with Sandi, based on everything you've told us you're not imagining things, she really isn't doing anything. She is a bit unusual in this regard as usually WAS's are actively pursuing moving out and/ or other relationships whether with friends or romances. But your W is perfectly content to do NOTHING. So it's really all in your court.
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I know I am not supposed to initiate any R talks, but how do I approach this subject knowing it is an R subject when it comes up? I have to start planning, looking, saving, etc for our new place. Is it "our new place" or is it where we split and it becomes "her" place and "my" place? I just don't know.
I also agree with Sandi on this point, it's not an R talk if you approach it like a business decision. The one thing I don't -completely- agree on though is giving her the option to move with you. I would be inclined to tell her that you assume she'll be making her own arrangements and to let you know if she needs anything from you. I would personally not under any circumstances let her move with me unless she was committing to working on the M, which it sure sounds like she's not even remotely ready to do. I think the overall tone of your posts is that you are just worn out on this whole deal, and while separation hurts at first, in the long run it will help you recover much faster and better than staying stuck with her under the same roof. In-house separations hardly ever lead to recon. They almost always lead to a sexless, loveless marriage.
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I believe that presently she would stay in this state of limbo indefinitely.
Yes. Frankly she doesn't care enough to lift a finger. But you, this is tearing you apart. YOU need to do something.
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I think that this is going to have a very long term affect on her views on relationships and marriage. How could it not?
Hard to say, but considering half of marriages end in divorce it's not like this hasn't happened to a zillion other kids.
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Does she think that I am a bad person? Does she think I am weak since I am sleeping in the same bed of someone who admittedly doesn't want to be with me?
My younger D was mid-teens when it all went down, and at one point she told me she respected that I worked as hard to save the M as I did. She said sometimes things just don't work out and it's no one's fault. She said us being married 20 years was something to be proud of, that most M's don't make it that long. Kids are smarter and more aware than we give them credit for. Your D doesn't see you as helpless and pathetic, she sees you standing for your M not just for you but for her. THAT is what she will remember no matter what happens.
