Thanks J. I just find it disturbing that she's going on a 5 day trip with a OM...it's got me all twisted up. She hasn't told me really anything and probably doesn't feel like she should have to. I don't like that I'm working my ass off just to make ends meet and shes been going on camping trips and now a 5 day trip to san Francisco . I'm just hurting right now.
ME 47 W 38 M17 T20 Separated 5/20/18 D-bomb 7/9/2018 Nothing Filed 4 kids ages 6, 10, 14, 15
I understand but you can’t do it......dbing is the fight within yourself to resist your urges. She won’t offer you any details about anything until she is comfortable and you have removed the pressure. When that happens then you may have to instill your own personal boundaries depending on what you want to know. I told my x that unless it involves the kids I want to know nothing about her bf
Yep, no need to ask her where she was going and who with. It is pretty self evident, so no need to go there. I know you are hurting like a SOB and that you'd do just about anything to undermine her trip and her "relationship" because in your view that might send her back to you. It will not.
No need whatsoever to ask her anything. Always take your kids if you can. I stress, if you can. If you made plans, tell her you have plans, just don't be a Richard about it. I know what you are thinking. If you dump the kids on her, than she cannot go and you will mess with her plans. While that might be true, it will not interfere with her affair. This is why it is important to GAL. Then you really have plans and are busy and you do not bend backwards to accommodate her.
It´s hard Lane, you need to be strong. Ease your mind sharing moments with your kids. You must actively evade certain thoughts. Enjoy your kids, go out with them. Like J9 and Vapo wrote: detach and GAL. It´s for your own sake.
I agree with everything Joesph said. Ive struggled with it at times too, but dont ask where they are going. For yoir kids sake, they are better off with you than elsewhere.
Together:20 years M:3 years Me:40 WW:40 S15 A suspected:5/17 AC:5/18 BD:8/18 WW in full blown R w/ OM Still under same roof
I just replied to her text. I just put " Yeah, that's fine" I definitely was going to take them. I am just really bothered about this "trip" she is going on. I have felt betrayed from the beginning of this back in May when it all started. But, now I feel extremely betrayed and very hurt by this adventure she is going on with OM. How does one get past that?
ME 47 W 38 M17 T20 Separated 5/20/18 D-bomb 7/9/2018 Nothing Filed 4 kids ages 6, 10, 14, 15
F her and F the trip.....they are not going to do anything they have not already done. The less you know the better, there is no magic pill just whatever you do don't give her the satisfaction of knowing that it is getting to you. You get past it by not paying attention to what she is doing and continue working on detachment.
Your desire to save yourself has to be greater than your desire to save your MR and stay attached to your W. Continuing to stay attached will cause you nothing but more pain and heartbreak.
Thanks guys...what a long night/day. She just replied " okay thank you".
I'm so tired of this nightmare. It just keeps getting worse for me. I feel like I am being dragged through a never ending fire. Trying not to think about any of this is very difficult. They really don't feel any guilt or remorse do they? It really is all about them and no one else. The only time she is even pleasant is when she will need something. But heres the other part. I knew this trip was going to happen for a couple weeks because of my D15 saw history on iPad. I don't know why I am so butt hurt over it. Maybe because she finally notified me and now its a for sure go. So this is a DB forum. Were here to try and save our M by doing these tactics....detach,180 and GAL. Did you all ever feel like it was getting worse at times? Like I feel today? Did feel like you were just spinning your wheels and find it very hard to detach and let go and finally move on? I get to that point once in a while and then "POW" something happens. I get a set back. Im not going to let her know I am bothered by her trip. Just acting as if its another day.
I know you guys don't know my W like I do. But based on your experience / history. A couple that had a great R and M. Then all some one flattered her at work to the point she left me. Do you think she will ever want to R or even T ? What are the odds. I know nothing will happen until she knows Im completely detached. I need a little boost of confidence today more than anything. Let me know guys.
ME 47 W 38 M17 T20 Separated 5/20/18 D-bomb 7/9/2018 Nothing Filed 4 kids ages 6, 10, 14, 15
They feel guilt but no remorse as they are too wrapped up in themselves. It will get worse before it gets better, just wait until OM meets your kids and you get D'd. Yes, I felt I was spinning for 6 months. I felt like I couldn't breathe for the first 3 months, no sleep, mentally exhausted all the time, not eating.....it gets better but you have to leave your W to her messes and resist any desire to be involved in her life. I do believe eventually most LBS's will have an opportunity for recon but that won't come until after you are D'd and the both of you have experienced new relationships. If at that time you still feel that your W is the best person for you and your timelines align then it is possible. You can always leave a small little fire burning deep inside you but it can burn so bright that it keeps you from moving forward with your life.
and you get D'd. Yes, I felt I was spinning for 6 months. I felt like I couldn't breathe for the first 3 months, no sleep, mentally exhausted all the time, not eating.....it gets better but you have to leave your W to her messes and resist any desire to be involved in her life. I do believe eventually most LBS's will have an opportunity for recon but that won't come until after you are D'd and the both of you have experienced new relationships. If at that time you still feel that your W is the best person for you and your timelines align then it is possible. You can always leave a small little fire burning deep inside you but it can burn so bright that it keeps you from moving forward with your life.