This isn't getting any easier. In fact, it's getting worse. I thought it was getting better.
You're only a few months in, it's far too soon to expect things to get better. Too many people come here wanting to know a trick or two to "put things back to normal" but that is not how this works. There are no magic tricks. You've got to spend long months (a year or more is really not unusual) laying the proper groundwork for a possible future recon. While you're laying the groundwork the trainwreck that is your W is going to continue to run off the rails. You have to stick to your game plan and let her flounder around trying to find her moral compass.
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But I stuck to DB. And it had the opposite effect. And now she wants to be with him without any care to fix anything.
DB'ing did not drive your W into OM's arms. Right now she wants to use any excuse she can to go back to OM. You're too cold and distant. Or you're too doting and smothering her. Or your socks smell. NOTHING you do right now is good enough for her. That's why you DB, because right this second you CAN'T make her happy. She's not wired for that. You have to find yourself and do your thing while she sorts her crap out.
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I know it's not over. But I feel like I lost.
You've got to drop your expectations that things will turn around in a few weeks or even months. You've got to take a long-term view. The fastest turnarounds I've seen here were in the 6-8 month range, but those were exceptionally short timeframes and unusual. Most take more like 18 months to 2 years. Just about every WAS says the stuff yours is saying early on. It's far too soon to know what the prospects for recon are.
