My little daughters 3 - last 2 weeks of family

[NicoleR]

Arsh, I was just out-of-town for the past four days so I haven't been able to post or respond yet but I spotted your message this morning and want to respond in the interim. It's the worst pain in the world when your spouse has an affair. There are also many resources out there on affairs so you might wish to educate yourself further with books and articles to feel less alone and hopeless. You can also re-read my previous posts about the OW. Yes there's a small chance that your husband and OW will marry and live happily-ever-after but there's a much greater chance the relationship won't work out and he'll be back. My guess is your husband didn't want to have a full affair while married so he rushed to divorce to feel less guilty or perhaps because OW has boundaries and said something like "I'm not going to sleep with you until I see that you're separated or divorced..." Not that it matters any more, but realistically as you confront the truth you'll go through certain thought processes and grief that can be guided by the abundance of literature and research on affairs.

I completely agree regarding the complete injustice and cruelty of your husband blaming you for being controlling and telling his family that you're bad when it was all a cover-up for his criminal behavior. When he told you he was depressed and you didn't support him while you were pregnant - what a lie! Maybe he was depressed for a while but what he really means is he met someone who made him feel amazing right at the time when you were unable to focus on him. It's selfish.

Our husbands took exactly the same approach and used the same strategies. You can read my older threads. My husband became mean, blamed me, re-wrote history, and made me feel terrible both times before he moved out, before he wanted a divorce, and basically whenever he was in an affair and felt the marriage was a burden or obstacle. I've cried for most of the past three years and I still struggle to understand how someone who was previously so kind, gentle, and loving could change like this. You're not alone. My husband did come back when his first affair ended. I still believe yours will be back. Let him have his honeymoon because this might be the last happiness he feels for a long, long time once reality sets in and he realizes what he lost.