DB / Detach, WAW... piecing

[Did]

Thanks for the feedback. Youre right in some ways. I have been up and down and back and forth, my sleep has been off. Ive also been rushing to get these posts done with limited time from my phone between meetings today.

If you look back in my posts I was ready to divorce. I was tired of the games and the manipulation anxiety etc. I know the back and forth and not knowing is terribly unhealthy for me. Maybe I should just get off this train... W says being married doesnt mean much to her its just a piece of paper. So different than how she was in the marriage. I cant believe thats how she truly feels... The relationship is pretty toxic in how we affect each other if were not careful we bring each other way down. I believe we could also bring each other up if we were on the same page and in sync on choosing to love each other and our family if things would be better... but I cant know.

Yes she doesnt know what she wants but then she wants to spend time together and get to know me again. She throws out [censored] like you cant kiss me out of left field.... after coming at me with Ive been thinking of you a lot and feeling things I havent felt in a long time.

Its like the rubber band attaching our hearts I thought was almost gone (detaching after barely talking up until last week) snapped me right back. So detach more and DB??? I really dont know what to do. Hoping IC will give some clarity tomorrow. We are talking about potentially divorcing but then we swam together the 3 of us yesterday and had lunch today. Thats crazy in itself.

I regret starting dating with this new woman. I thought I was ready and I was getting divorced but now I have no idea. The hardest part is I felt like I could have a life with this woman a family a deep connection... if the timing was right but obviously it is not. I have to take a step back and tell her.

Yes I have counseling at noon tomorrow. I have been trying to get an appointment for a week but had D4 at beach and couldnt make it last week.

Underneath it all there is the feeling that W is not healthy. Its like you want the hot crazy girl but you should really choose the good nice girl whos attractive and fit but maybe not as sexy... W thinks she is healthy and presents herself as such. But the things she is saying drive me crazy. Am I wrong to think these comments she's making are off the wall? Yesterday she said she isnt ready to date only one person. Then the next day she said shed never date more than one person at a time. Maybe that in itself is reason enough to cut ties and divorce... I wish shed get into IC but she wont.

Im good with honest feedback and tough love.... but its some heavy sh*t. Sleeping has been tough at times. Maybe just detach further and go LRT / limited contact.

I appreciate you all chiming in.