Thanks for that. I need tough love myself I guess. I think I read and reread everything you guys write to me and I do take it all in, and I try to follow it all, but this is the only place for me to really vent so I just continue venting all these fears I have because I have no other outlet.
I do not want to get our families involved yet, and I have only confided in 1 friend about everything because I already know everyone else will have opinions and strong ones at that. When this all first happened I confided in a few close friends and some family members and H and I were so back and forth it got to the point where I just decided to keep it to myself and tell them all we will figure it out. So I come here with all my worries while taking the advice you guys are giving.
I am a very task oriented person, so its like I want to be told "do this, do that" and i know thats not how this necessarily works, but he makes it REALLY hard. Its like he wants responses from me just so he can feel okay and move on with his life. I dont know. But regardless, I am trying to detach. I just dont know how you detach yourself. Thats a feeling, inside you. How do I force my feelings to detach from his actions? I keep thinking to myself "Ok, if you were detached from this person, how would you respond to this".
What I am showing him and what I am typing here are 2 different things. I am showing him upbeat, happiness, okay me. Doing things, keeping busy. On here I am falling apart, in the car I am melting down, in the shower, at night alone I am yelling into a pillow. But to his face I am not doing that. He was crying yesterday and I paid it no mind. When he left I didnt reach out to ask why. He eventually contacted me about it. I am trying to fake it to him, detachment, as I am trying to really accomplish it somehow in real life and not sure how.
