Wife is not who I married...Pls Help Pt5

[LoneWlf]

First - I think there are a couple of reasons for these visits. Let me say that we have accumulated a bunch of stuff. My W and I don't throw things out. I came from a family of 9 where you made use of all items. She just keeps things like old license plates ( i don't know why). I think she wants to come over so that we can clean up and get the house sold so that she can move on> i don't plan on uprooting me and S until I have my feet solid with a new job and some security. The second reason is to see S. I feel that she wants to reach out to him but he just won't let his walls down. I am staying out of it. Everytime she comes by it seems just a brief hi and then he returns to what he is doing. Lastly -I've also entertained that she is coming by to check up on me??? I've been upbeat- healthy as ever and continue to do so and i thought maybe she is checking if I backslid. I know she has put on about 25lbs and looks non attractive- at least at this point.

On another note I went out with my best friend to a dance club on the weekend. I enjoy dancing and have been told on many occasions that i should teach others. I ran into a old high school buddy who played on the same basketball team.It was good to talk about those good times. His comments to me were that - I haven't changed since high school - that i kept in good shape. And when I told him that I was separated he said that I won't have anything to worry about. He said - you were a big time baller then and you will be a big time baller now. There were plenty of beautiful women there dancing but what this did was it solidified my thoughts that I was not ready for this and did not want to meet a woman this way. Just not my thing.

Anyways gotta touch up on active listening and validation still.