A familiar story with questions. VI

[RR17]

Quick update. Hope everyone is moving along without too much drama and pain. Holidays can escalate issues. Knowing and anticipating helps.

So all is well in Limbo Land. W continues to show love in her way. No affection, but Acts of Service, Respect, Quality Time are all apparent. As with most LBSs, I am slow to trust these signs. I do my thing. Validate and don't pursue. Lower my expectations. Limit engagement. Occasionally I will share a story, but mostly listening.

Intuition tells me I need to intentionally maintain a distance. Experience says this distance is appreciated and if there is ever a "loss" to be experienced, I'm not sure I am heading in the right direction. Thoughts?

[Gordie]

RR

Nice update

Things are complicated when trust is broken and a relationship is damaged

And it takes time to heal

A long time

Take your time

Trust your instincts

You built walls of self protection around your heart

And she did too

If reconciliation is in the cards

You will only dismantle them when you trust it is safe to do so

And she will too

Tricky thing is this may not happen at the same pace

Take your time

And if you are unsure of something or what to do

Pause

And the answer will come to you

[neffer]

Time for you RR, time for W, time for the M.

Time...

[RR17]

Thanks.
Gordie and neffer, do I trust my instinct or do pause? lol

Problem is I am growing very tired of the Waiting Game. Instinct sometimes tells me to pull the plug on this rodeo. I have always been a fairly decisive person. This feels unnatural.
When I post on here, I do see the progress. Kind of like counting your blessings or focusing on gratefulness. On the other hand, when I ponder the future I often think about a future without W. And I'm okay with that. Fact is I want an MR that looks very different than this one has in the past. I'm tired of hold-backs, mysterious communication puzzles, dismissive conflict resolution. I think it is healthy that I recognize and am no longer willing to tolerate this type of behavior.

"The Waiting Game in Limbo Land" that is the title of this chapter of my life.

[Gordie]

RR17

You came here to bust your divorce

Is that still your goal

No judgment

Goals change

I totally understand wanting to get out of limbo

I was where you are

I know the feeling

So one thing said to me

Real standing starts when you are strong enough to walk away

The feeling of the LBS to want to walk away is real

Good news is you have healed from b d

And now are strong enough

So you have the power

And a big decision to make

For big decisions

I suggest pause

What you feel today may be different tomorrow

Or next week

Or next month

[RR17]

"The Waiting Game in Limbo Land"

Well, I'm trying something new. I have to be trying something because not trying makes me feel stuck and unhappy.
So with that said I am writing to take inventory of the positive things that I notice.

Yesterday afternoon D19 who returns to school in less than 2 weeks decided to paint some artwork for her room at college. She did it out on the patio and proceeded to use my grill as a table for the oil paintings to dry. Even though the chance was low, I pointed out to D19 that it may rain. She checked her phone and announced that there was zero percent chance of rain.
Half hour later and it is coming down in buckets. D19 is in the bath. I point out to W that D19 has used my beloved 20 year old grill to hold the paintings, and hopefully I will be able to get the oil paint off. W shows empathy.
Now it's important to note that I said this in a calm matter of fact way. In the past, when things were tense and an unhealthy dynamic existed, I might have embellished on the potential mess. I think this counts as progress in my camp.
So, untypical of W, she grabs an umbrella and heads out to mitigate damages. I am surprised as this is out of her nature and like many Ws doesn't like rain. I help. I thank her for doing this.

Hopefully, I have adequately described the event. Both my lack of overreaction and her empathy and reaction though they may seem logical to many, are untypical and I am considering progress.

[SteveLW]

As far as "waiting in limbo" go read what I just wrote to JS. I could have written something very similar tp you.

Look, I know limbo is a struggle, but the alternatives are great either.

[LoneWlf]

RR- I noticed in most of your posts that self realization is a big aspect of what you are and continue to do . I commend you on your growth and positive steps. Only you can decide when enough is enough. Take the time to really think this true. My prayers are with you!

[RR17]

LW, there is something about documenting this stuff. I hope that the personal changes remain permanent. I sometimes doubt it.

I also attribute it to how I am treated. My goal is to continue the changes regardless of how I am responded to.
To be a centered, self-differentiated man detached so that whoever I am with, feels free. Hey, I'm the only one that I really have any control over.

[ovrrnbw]

RR,

I wouldn't say our sitches are exactly the same but I'm getting to the point you are. Wondering is this worth it, or how much I care still. What Gordie wrote stirred up some thoughts that I didn't realize were there for me. Limbo [censored], you seem to be handling it well enough.

Can't believe your D left painting there after your warning. Tell her you're going to reinstate corporal punishment at yournhouse...haha