met with IC last week. W continues near complete avoidance of me to include co-parent of D. IC advised that W is at the extreme of anxiety avoidance. so hard to understand how other sitches here with EA/PAs there are still communications between W/H yet in mine complete avoidance. i ask at night why had God forsaken me, what did I do to cause such dysfunction. all I have is to keep going forward. IC asked if I was open to dating, told her I felt it would be some very long time before I'll even consider that. she said it's clear i'm dealing with a W who has mental illness. hate hearing that as I feel it's a cop out, for sure brings me no comfort. IC said the long W avoids the more dysfunctional her behavior is likely to become. i just don't get it.
Ballast, very sorry you're going through this, sometimes people get over these situations quickly and other times the pain just seems to never end. I've seen situations where the WAS didn't just abandon the LBS but abandoned the entire family. I mean who would even do that to a dog, much less their own children? It's unbelievable how utterly cold and cruel WAS's can be. And then others are basically very kind and polite and accommodating, they just don't want to be married anymore. Most are somewhere in between.
Regarding your beliefs, I can relate, I went through the exact same struggles. Wondering what I did wrong and why God abandoned me when I needed him more than ever. I was very deep in the Christian faith before BD. I moderated a Christian forum, had read the Bible front to back (and most of it many times), read interpretations, listened to all the scholarly pastors, etc. etc. After BD I prayed like no one has prayed before. I fully believed God would answer those prayers and restore my marriage. When he didn't, it caused me to revisit everything I thought I knew. My religious views have changed drastically since then.
I'm not here to try to convince you there is or isn't a God, but this isn't about you not being good enough for a higher power and him punishing you. This is just a very unfortunate situation you have ended up in through random chance. It happens to good people every day- they lose a child to an accident or illness, or find out they've got months to live, or lose their job and can't find another, or have a loved one that develops dementia and forget who they are and everyone around them, or any number of crap things. These are the things that shape who we are. In some cases people become bitter and angry, in others sad and despondent. Some people move on and others never do. I eventually got over the idea I was being punished and just accepted that it was happening, that it was out of my control, and I chose to learn from it and move on as best I could.
Like I've said many times in these forums, this may look like the end of your story to you but it really isn't. It's the end of a chapter in your story. Turn the page and another chapter will begin.
