I will try to find success stories of people who have turned their wayward around. I cant even fathom him changing at this point. I dont even think he remembers ME. Its been so long since he has tried to make an effort in OUR relationship.
He just texted me this morning asking if the baby needs anything. I dont really understand why when he lived here he made no effort at all and now that Ive made him leave he all of a sudden wants to make a big effort for her. I think its great and I think he should, I just dont know what he is trying to prove.
And of course I wish he was putting this kind of effort into our relationship also, but I know that isnt what he wants. I hope if he is seeing someone else (UGH) that he will think of me and eventually try to rebuild us. But he would have to be the one to put the effort in, and i dont see that happening anytime soon.
Of course he is more engaged. Whether he is willing to admit it or not right now verbally, deep down he understands what he stands to lose. This is what tough love is all about! Now, remember, a lot of this might be just try to weasel back into the house. But eventually, if you can stick to your guns, he will get to a pivot point....where he knows he stands to lose everything permanently, and he'll have a decision to make.
kech, LBSs struggle because they CAN'T control and CAN'T change their spouse. Your goal isn't to control or change him because YOU CANNOT do that. Your goal is to show him that his decisions have consequences, and the consequences of having an OW are that he doesn't get his family. This is tough, the LBS' instincts are that by being loving and nice they can "win" back the WAS. But this hardly ever works. In fact, if it did, the divorce rate would plummet because almost all LBS go that route.
Waywards especially need tough love. sandi talks about this, that a sense of loss is the only thing that can wake them up from their fog. Doing whatever he wants but still having you on the hook means he doesn't have to change anything. Doing whatever he wants and potentially losing you is the only thing that can make him want to change what he is doing.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
