Thank you Ovr, Jim, OneArt, Nic and Helena. R2C, thanks for the updates on the quotes thread I have been reading up on the older ones, very helpful I have had a moderate week, staying apart helps in detachment. Weekend has been bad, I filled out the financial statements for D, kids were with WH and I met them briefly today. There is not much socializing you can do on long weekends, all my friends have kids and families. I miss having family here, every one is half way across the world. The week goes by fast since I have kids most of the days and between work and managing them it gets very busy. D3 mentioned today that she spoke to her daddy's friend on a video call, she said her name was a cartoon character's and she called D3 something funny too. She also told me this friend of her dad's also has a D. My heart lunged at this as I am pretty sure this is the hidden OW. WH has no female friends that he video chats with and anybody we are close to is already acquainted with D3 and she would instantly recognize them. this person was clearly someone new to her. OW was the only logical sense in my sitch but I willingly denied it for so long. Although I still do not know who she is, I am quite certain that there is a OW. Maybe it is just projecting but I feel WH is in a PA now, he feels stranger since he has moved out. And here I am feeling like a pathetic loser who trusted him with her heart and soul, had two kids with him, have absolutely no intel on his A and I am working with him on a mediated D to end this MR. He hit me at my lowest, probably got involved when I was pregnant and BDd when D was 2 months. WH must also be justifying this, thinking he has already ended the MR with me and is carrying on with his fancies only after he decided to D. I was doing so well this last week, and something like this just takes you down the drain. I see that he is in the honeymoon period of his R, if it has just gone physical once he moved out they must be not be able to stay away from each other hence the frequent out of state travels. And to think he wants me to move to the other coast post D. Such a ...!! I cried again, in pain, in anguish, asked god why my life turned out like this, what did my Ds do to deserve this. When I saw WH I kept quiet though, no anger no reaction not even a mention of what D3 said. Most spouses on this forum at least are confused and want to keep their MR and S on limbo. WH is not only actively rejecting me but has decided it is the end of MR. I am spinning really bad today, all the strength I had just waned. But I have become better at getting up every time I trip and fall and continue moving on. Feel so alone in the world right now, running around my babies and losing my mind keeps me from really losing it. But yes I will keep being the light house, I dont have much hope at this time though. Even if he comes back post D, after all this pain and even actually going through a D would there be a point to it all?I believe in Karma, but at this point even if WH 'pays' for this its not going to take away the pain I have to endure or the injustice my Ds have to face. I can only ask god for more strength to keep going.
