DB / Detach, WAW... piecing

[Did]

Talked on the phone. Spur of the moment conversation instead of texting. She said she doesnt think us being married matters because she doesnt want anything serious in a relationship. Said dating me is serious and shes not ready for that. I said then we shouldnt be married. She said something about if she gives anything or has fun with me she gets overwhelmed by how hard I come after her... this is a repetitive mistake on me.

W and I both mentioned being toxic for each other. I think were only toxic if we are playing this weird as* game of being married but not. I believe if we are committed to each other we could grow together but we both have to want that.

Agreed to write points down and talk again tomorrow night.... still want to reconcile. Want her to want it as much as I do but she doesnt seem to care. She mentioned her parents being married for 5 years before they actually got divorced... I said that doesnt make it right.

What a mess.