I don't know what to tell you, other than this is a very long haul. Gordie has been a champ, but his results are not typical. If this is MLC, you have years and years to go ahead of you. Mine showed the earliest signs 8 or more years ago. I think he fought it and I pushed for him to stick around, so he did. But the resentment built and built. It has been an awful 8 years. I kicked him out almost 2 years ago at the kids' request. He was a boomerang, then off and on, and now he is vanishing and withdrawing.
I mostly leave him alone. I've been trying to get a financial settlement for the last two years. Goaded him into filing a few months ago because I was told to let him be the one to file. All he does is stall. He's never told me what he wants, what he thinks is fair. We agree to things and then he won't sign off on them and says he never agreed. Now that he has filed, he is refusing to pay a fee so the case is just sitting there. If he doesn't pay the fee it will be dismissed.
I have begged, pleaded, and done all I can to get the financial settlement or the divorce so I can move on. He won't do either. But he monsters at me from time to time and tells me to move on. The rest of the time he completely ignores me. He contacts my kids, but they don't respond. He won't come to see them anymore.
I know you think it is a long time, but one year is nothing. Sitting on a filing is typical. Allowing cases to be dismissed is typical.
All you can do is leave her alone. Mirror what she does. If she contacts you, respond. If she doesn't, leave her alone. Stop watching her. Stop keeping tabs on her. Stop caring what she is doing.
If you aren't seeing the kids, use the divorce filing for that purpose. Get some temporary orders for custody.
