Had a thought that I wanted an opinion on. My WW wife has said repeatedly that a lifetime of missing someone would be painful and she is referring to herself if something happened to us. This hasn't been in moments when she is trying to pull me back in and test me but in definite moments of weakness and when she has been opening up. She has been saying that things were getting better for a stretch there before i fully detached and said that we were getting there and I chose to leave (I know this coming from the person who is still having the A, but I know she is f'ed up in the head right now). I have done nothing but validate at these times but want to propose another option.
Would I consider after she says something like this to ask her what would she want from me to get back to that point where she said we were getting better? and in return I would ask for her to put her A on hold to see if this is really what she wants? My thinking is no f'ing way she would do that and with all her lies could say sure, but just wanted to throw this out there.
She does have her first therapy session next week but I know she needs many more before I would expect to see any light if at all at the end of the tunnel.
Or just tell me to stfu and keep doing what I'm doing because it has worked to some extent.
H-50 W-48 T-19 M -18 S23, S14 BD - 5/9/2018 OM discovered 5/10/2018
In house sep - 8/18/2018 Rope drop 2/15/2019 R'ing since 3/15/2019
Update on my sitch, WW gone another weekend. But checked in with son Thurs and fri and wanted to know where I was other than out. Son said why don’t you ask him. Was with all her old GFs last night that have disowned her since she has gone AWOL. Lots of pictures from a party online so I’m sure she’ll find out. She starts therapy this week we’ll see what comes of it.
H-50 W-48 T-19 M -18 S23, S14 BD - 5/9/2018 OM discovered 5/10/2018
In house sep - 8/18/2018 Rope drop 2/15/2019 R'ing since 3/15/2019
That you still love her and do not want to break up the marriage and family
That you do not believe in open marriage or a three way relationship
If I am correct I see no further clarification necessary
Yes at times she says contradictory things and you are doing a good job of validating
Maybe she is confused or maybe she is manipulating you to stay right there as plan b
You cannot read her mind so remember her words are meaningless without a significant and sustained change in her actions
Feel free to say nothing
Or say exactly that and nothing more
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
You are spot on Gordie. I know this woman after all these years, if she wanted out she’d be gone. OM has nothing going for him and will not leave his wife. My W is severely damaged by trauma in her life that she is just in the last few months trying to cope with after repressing all her life. I have a Hiroshima plan if therapy goes no where and this continues but am hoping for the best.
H-50 W-48 T-19 M -18 S23, S14 BD - 5/9/2018 OM discovered 5/10/2018
In house sep - 8/18/2018 Rope drop 2/15/2019 R'ing since 3/15/2019
Observation from last week, W and son were watching TV show and I could see from kitchen. I noticed a character prone to fighting in this popular reality show and I said is he fighting again? After a pause my W commented to everyone “sometimes people don’t fight because they are angry but because they have a lot of issues they are dealing with inside”. I didn’t comment but I’m sure that was directed at me and another reason that I am hopeful that her beginning therapy voluntarily is a big step in her starting to realize that she needs to start dealing with the pain she has been keeping inside and how she has been coping, especially running away to an A to escape reality.
H-50 W-48 T-19 M -18 S23, S14 BD - 5/9/2018 OM discovered 5/10/2018
In house sep - 8/18/2018 Rope drop 2/15/2019 R'ing since 3/15/2019
She just walked in. Said nothing but what’s up and right up to room. I can honestly say she is the miserable one. Then why not just sign an agreement to get out of this? I don’t get it sometimes.
H-50 W-48 T-19 M -18 S23, S14 BD - 5/9/2018 OM discovered 5/10/2018
In house sep - 8/18/2018 Rope drop 2/15/2019 R'ing since 3/15/2019
Just like clock work. Being away ate at her and she was text arguing all day about how I put her in this situation, money, I’m hurting the family, etc. then by 6:00 she’s having dinner/drinks with friends. By 8:30 she needs help getting in from the garage because she has broken out in the sweats and can’t move. Says she’s at the end. I did my best to validate how she felt with out over consoling and helped her to her bed and left.
I kinda feel sorry for her but I don’t, she brought this all on and she is feeling it now. Proud of myself I didn’t stay in the bedroom and help her get to sleep. She’s on her own now.
H-50 W-48 T-19 M -18 S23, S14 BD - 5/9/2018 OM discovered 5/10/2018
In house sep - 8/18/2018 Rope drop 2/15/2019 R'ing since 3/15/2019
Steve so true....follow up to my last reply. She started back up at 5AM and I got pulled a little too far into an argument but stepped back quickly. She kept saying how bad things were in the house and what all I had done to this family and that we should sell the house. How she hated my gutts. I was calmly like why don't we get an agreement in place then. I asked what she wanted, do you want a divorce, she said no. She said she wanted the house in order for Xmas, really, does she expect that it would be a normal holiday when you say its so toxic.
Is she waiting for me to cave? Expecting me to give in and beg for her back? We know that's not happening.
Should I move forward with having a realtor come look at our home? I'm not selling until I know what would come of the custody issue because now she claims he would go with her. Would the realtor be another step to showing her that she is losing it all? I think she is close and have no intentions on giving in.
H-50 W-48 T-19 M -18 S23, S14 BD - 5/9/2018 OM discovered 5/10/2018
In house sep - 8/18/2018 Rope drop 2/15/2019 R'ing since 3/15/2019
