Hey there. Sorry about your sitch. It royally [censored] everything out of you and drops you in a place of intense pain. The good news is that you are in good hands with the folks here. I have been getting valuable advice from the likes of Steve and ovrrnbw for well over a month now. All good stuff.
My advice to you:
- Feel your emotions. It's ok to cry multiple times per day. It's ok to be good minute and a total mess the next. It's ok to get on medication that will help guide you through this difficult time. The third one I am speaking from my experience.
- Get A Life. Be selfish and work on YOU. Do things you always wanted to do. Go take an art class. Go take photography lessons. Go exercise and lift and do yoga. Meditate. Seek spiritual guidance.
- Create and maintain a trusted support system. One that has nothing to do with your H's friend's or family. This forum is great for that. Confide in a friend. Journal. Find a good IC and work on your issues. Who knows? Maybe there is something deeper that you need to work on that may have subconsciously caused your marriage to derail.
- Do not make decisions that are emotionally driven. Those ALWAYS result in negative consequences. Work on slowing down and thinking it over logically. Discuss your feelings on what you want to do here before you act on them. 999 times out of 999, an emotionally-based decision ends up badly.
- Take it one day at a time. If you can't take it one day, take it one hour. Take it one minute. Small steps. But keep moving.
- Do not snoop. For the love of God, do not snoop. The truth will hurt and it will hurt BAD. It can derail the good progress you have been making and will wreck any trust in you and H. As I bluntly tell myself: Mind my own GD business.
- Most importantly...Don't lose hope. Ever. No one will tell you when to stop hoping. No one will force you to give up but YOU. There will be days in which through this hell you will come out with small victories. Hold on to them. They will at the very least grant you a reprieve from the grief. Build upon them but don't force anything. I'm a hypocrite for saying this, but patience is key here. Or as Steve85 would say:
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This is a marathon, not a sprint
There is a quote that I have written in red ink in my journal:
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When you are finding yourself going through hell, keep going
