DB / Detach, WAW... piecing

[Did]

W says she has been feeling things for me... of course as I pull away and am getting more detached. Manipulation? Most likely... I feel like it is so ingrained in her from her mom she doesnt even realize shes doing it. But this is who she is.

Im ready to accept D4 split custody in exchange for my freedom and future happiness... [censored] but it is what it is. I have continued to see new woman and we continue to hit it off. Would I give it up for W? Maybe (torn on this because I feel that new woman and I could honestly have a better relationship unless W radically changes but we dont have a family...) but only if W shows SIGNIFICANT action. It would crush new woman... heavy sigh... anyway..

Im going to take some notes from previous posts on here and have specific points for when W and I talk this week. If she wants to have a chance with me she will need to show actions, commitment and consistency- none of which I believe she will be able to do. More and more I see her as a sexy woman who has reverted to a teenager.

Actions like: Telling me how she feels and her actions consistently lining up: if you feel it show it / do it- ask me to spend time, have conversations- call reach out etc, positive emotions and intimacy - looking into eyes, touch, kiss whatever.

IC for her anxiety. If she wants to be with me she needs to work on it and this is probably going to be the deal breaker... funny how the script flips when you as the LBS is ready to move on and she sees the lighthouse fading away.

Prioritize our relationship- making plans, schedule to fit things in for us to do. She prioritizes seeing her two girlfriends and that affects D4 schedule... D4 schedule on my side is dictated by work.

Show acts of love / kindness.... writing this Im thinking no shot but anyway here it is...

Text convo today:

Me- Can we talk one day next week.
W- Yea anything specific?

Me- Yea our relationship or lack there of and moving forward.
W- Ok. Gut punch (This is how I felt 6-8 months ago when she was saying things- role reversal?)
W- Like how we talekd last week? Or like you have a specific goal with this convo and youre feeling negative
W- High anxiety right now if you could answer. Trying to stop my mind from controlling me but easier said than done.

Me- Yea I got those from you for a long time. I agreed to see how it goes for 3 months. Its been 3 months. We havent spent any time together. You dont seem to like being around me unless you need help or support. You dont seem to want to be close or even care. Its like pulling teeth for you to say anything good.

You want to see your friends but Im not in the equation as building our relationship let alone lover or husband. You dont seem tocare about we/us. I wonder what your motivation is in saing you want to get to know me then not doing it. Just feels like a game and constant subconcious manipulation.

Its nothing to text about and deserves in person convo where we can see and feel. Id love to love you but youre not even close to letting me.

W- Seem seem seem. Your perception of me and my feelings is not accurate. I get nothing at all from manipulation (ha except $2500 / mo right? I guess she assumes she gets this with D anyway)

I dont easily share and I know how it feels when someone doesnt share and you have to assume its bc theres nothing there.

So its not your failt

Me- I promise not to judge and take you at your word. I hope you can say what you trule feel when we talk. Otherwise how would I know.

W- I have been thinking about you more recently. In ways I havent for a long time. (truth / manipulation - probably some of both)

But then Im crying as I type bc its a very heavy feeling.

Me- You say stuff like that and have said I dont know for so long. You used to ask if I loved you all the time inthe relationship so I understand what you mean. You have compared your support to help me build businesses etc when we were together to support now that we arent. Its so incomparable.

Im sorry youre crying. If you feel things for me itd be nice to know and beneficial for you to share with me.

W- I dont know if its beneficial for me. I get so worried that youll be mean to be. (teenage child...)
Or Ill say something that makes you mad.

Me- I just feel like were so far apart now. To me it feels like you dont want to see me or do anything together so I proceed accordingly.

Worrying is your anxiety.

W- I understand how it makes you feel.
I know.

Me- Lets talk soon.

More texts about schedule etc I have meetings most days this week so we are planning to talk Tues night after D4 gets to bed... Im going to show up looking good with a bottle of wine and be pleasant / enjoy myself- Im good either way / try to have an open mind and be present give her a chance. I expect her to cry and things to deteriorate but maybe shell surprise me.