OrangeK, it sounds like you're doing great with your son! You sound like an amazing dad. It's also been a year since my husband left - any kind of anniversary for this sort of thing is really hard.
Everything ive read about her disorder tells me at some point she will try and hoover me back in. Any advice on what to look for when she does, how to tell if any genuine change has happened, and how i can best keep my head on straight if she does?
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
Hope all is well. Kudos on the potty training. My 3 year old son is finally through as well. Great thing knowing I'll never have to buy diapers again. Hope everything goes your way here in the next couple weeks with the D. As far as the disorder goes? She will try to hoover you in, but it's up to you to not fall for it. And I can tell you right now. There will be no genuine change. Sure, you'll want to see it, and you may even try to convinve yourself the act she is putting on is genuine. DO NOT FALL FOR IT. Personality disorders don't just go away. The individual has to put forth serious effort into getting better. The kicker is the disorder won't allow the person to accept that anything is wrong with them. So it's nearly impossible for them to get the help they need, because in their eyes, nothing is wrong. My WW has showed up several times being all nice and trying to act like she's a dfiierent person. I refuse to believe it, because I know she isn't. It's all just a ploy to get something from me. 2 days later, I'll hear from a mutual friend that she's slandering me again. I think you're far enough into this to not worry about genuine change with her. Let her go. She has nothing to offer you anymore except for more pain and grief. Good luck, buddy...
Me: 38 W:31 Kids: S16(mine from previous R), D10, S9, S4 M: 10 years T:12 years BD:Jan 3, 2018 W moved out: Apr 13,2018 Filed for D: Jun 2018 D final: Sep 2019
Since June 13, 2017, so just under 15 months. My marriage ended years before that day, though.
Me: 46 W: 44 Married: 17 Together 21 D13; S10 BD: 03.03.15 (Not attracted to you) Almost 2 years trying, alone, to save marriage Status now: Divorced (effective 06.13.17)
Not much in the way of updates. divorce hearing is in one week exactly. Went on a date this weekend that went extremely well. Coffee date ended up turning into 4 hours of conversation. it felt amazing to connect with someone like that again. ex and I have not been in any contact in the last 2 weeks or so. Thanks for the support MTB. Things are going much better in my camp. divorce and having this whole thing behind me will be liberating.
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
Really sorry to hijack but JRUSS doesn't have his own thread and I followed his sitch for a couple years.
JRUSS, Do you think your W is happy with her decision right now?
LH -- I don't. She makes comments pretty regularly about how she hasn't found anyone, works all the time, misses kids when she doesn't have them, doesn't have much of a life, etc. I remember when I would have given anything for her to see that I'm not the reason for her unhappiness. Now I just feel sad for her but thank Jehovah that I'm out of that torture chamber.
Me: 46 W: 44 Married: 17 Together 21 D13; S10 BD: 03.03.15 (Not attracted to you) Almost 2 years trying, alone, to save marriage Status now: Divorced (effective 06.13.17)
[LH -- I don't. She makes comments pretty regularly about how she hasn't found anyone, works all the time, misses kids when she doesn't have them, doesn't have much of a life, etc. I remember when I would have given anything for her to see that I'm not the reason for her unhappiness. Now I just feel sad for her but thank Jehovah that I'm out of that torture chamber.
Yep. Mine will be in the same boat. I am only two months in but I see holes in the cracks already. Plus so many of the women i meet and talk to online say how hard it is to find a good guy and how easy it is for men.
I'm so happy that you are doing well on the other side and I hope Gump is too!
With the level of slobbery out there with men, if you clean up well, are kind, can make good conversation, have boundaries, and are authentic, you are like the top of the top of the available men on the market. I have no worries about getting on the dating scene when I get there... I am a class act, as so many men here, and I will find a quality lady over time.
